A true Yarn for you to read, and believe or not - about Ritual Abuse, Deception and Vulnerability in a Town just about Anywhere. We name it Hicktown.

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Showing posts with label getting help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label getting help. Show all posts

Fruitloop Therapy

From here on I refer to Kelly's therapist as Trixie for convenience - it suits her. A list of basic concerns about her manner of work appears on the previous page. Kelly had been seeing her for some years, and she now made less sense to me than she had in worse circumstances. I once asked Nolly the 'interpretor/protector' whether Trixie used hypnosis in the sessions because Kelly was so vague and inconsistent.

'You don't understand DID' she replied. 'Of course Kelly is slipping in and out, that's what happens. You don't need to hypnotise someone for that.' No but it helps with other agendas. Although Trixie spun a yarn about Kelly's parts needing to work together, that was the last thing on the agenda, hence the firewalls. More on this appears at Fruitloop Therapy.

As Kelly poured out ideas for her writing interspersed with other bits and pieces, Commas wrote 'Kelly is nuts, can't you see now?' Commas was hijacking some replies I sent for Kelly, and I discovered she also knew a range of tricks from Trixie. 'Kelly is not nuts' I replied. 'I've known her a long time and she may come back. I don't like to discuss her behind her back, so to speak.'

'Trixie tells me to stop making connections between things' wrote Kelly. 'My friend committed suicide this week, and another tried to. I've known them for years. They both knew Marta. Trixie says I shouldn't connect things like that up. I told Trixie about a woman who is just everywhere I go, and Trixie says . . . '

I sympathised over her friend, thought a while, and sent a reply:

I don't like the things Trixie says to you. That is my problem. Unfortunately you cannot presently see why.

When you feel more up to it, we can discuss it if you want to. I am not going to keep beating my head up against a brick wall trying to make you see. 'Trixie says . . .' is wearing thin with me.

Last night you said she had won because she had isolated you.

You do have some choices, and taking pills won't hack it.'

Well, we are all human, and that is what I was trying to convey to Kelly, who was repeatedly told that normal things were wrong, or they were a sign of some 'illness' that she had to 'get better from'. The wonder was that she was able to function at all.

Does it seem strange to you that three women originally from the same cult area, who knew each other and also Marta, would be strongly suicidal in the very same week? Kelly continued 'I always look at cars and their number plates, so if someone hurts me I can recognise their car later. Trixie says I should not do that. I notice her car too and she gets mad at me.'

Another alter in Kelly's system asked me why Kelly kept running to Trixie when anything happened. 'She knows Trixie hurts us' they said. I replied that it must be difficult for them to say much about this, and there was agreement, but also confirmation over a couple of other things that were puzzling. Many times I thought I could see a link or a likelihood over things, only to find the reality was nothing comparable.

Because of the quantity of emails that night I asked Kelly to slow down. She was growing a bit trance-like, and now I inadvertently used a trigger word. It tipped her over into being hypnotised, something that happened before and she had come out naturally. Normally she knew I would go ten times round the block for her to make up her own mind.

'Now you should say to her . . . . . ' wrote Commas 'And she will come out of it.'

If I could avoid it, I would not use a cult phrase that I did not know the implications of. Commas continued 'You can tell her to go to sleep now, so you can get to bed.' Commas already made attempts to get me to leave that night, as other 'protectors' had tried before. I told her someone must think I was getting too close to something for comfort.

'I'm on your side' she said. I tried a couple more times to get Kelly's attention, wrote that my computer had jammed and I'd be in touch next day. 'That's great, thank you' said Commas. 'Now Trixie can't do anything with Kelly tonight unless she realises she is hypnotised.' Tonight was meant to be a family night, although her family had unexpectedly (to Kelly) not arrived back.

The following week there was nothing from Kelly, but Commas wrote that Kelly was a danger to them all, and I should keep her away from therapy and even from being present in the system. Acting on a sense of unease, I said it was Kelly I knew and I would discuss things with her. 'But you saw all that stuff she wrote that night, she's crazy' said Commas.

'I understood it, so what does that make me? You know the things that happen to Kelly, and you know about the rubbish Trixie feeds her. Commas started to write oddly with gaps in the middle of words. She was upset, not used to being around or getting challenged. What I am now saying is no disrespect for alters that some people have, but Commas seemed more like 'other people's alters' and nothing to do with Kelly. Perhaps she was placed there for some reason rather than developing naturally.

Kelly said she was now isolated from everyone she knew. I wondered if the name of this game was to keep her from contact with me. There had been times when she was forced to say goodbye, and when I refused to say it back, somehow the thread was not broken. 'They' could not go on and do what was planned for her, though that was a mystery to me.

While Kelly was hypnotised or generally out-of-it, others in the system could look after her family. Goodness knows what else they got up to. I was well aware that, despite my respect for Kelly and her integrity, other parts could be capable of anything. A recent exchange with the robot made me wonder. Could be, he was just bragging about having control over Trixie. Could be he had something she needed, or that she did not want to become public knowledge. Commas was emailing me personal stuff about Trixie. Why, and how did she know?

I thought Kelly was becoming a nightmare client for Trixie who might consider pulling out, or ensure that Kelly was unable to cause trouble. When Marta had wanted to break with Kelly someone higher up the chain seemed to tweak on powerful reins, roping them both back in. Kelly now insisted that people were afraid of her including Trixie. I knew Marta had been. What was this? Kelly and another alter noticed that Trixie sometimes seemed phased by Daisy, who could certainly could get stroppy but ...

'Why does Trixie want you broken into little pieces?' I now asked Kelly. 'Marta does' she replied. At times it seemed as if Marta had some notion of actually taking Kelly over, her sensitivity and intuition, her attributes or personal magnetism, whatever it was that drew people.

'You want to know what I think? Probably not, but here it is' I began. 'I think Marta thinks she can take over whatever gifts you have. What good will that do for humanity?'

'None at all' she replied with a glimmer of her former self.

'It's you making me ill not Trixie' came an unexpected email from Kelly. There had been a false sense of calm since she announced there was no therapy because she and Daisy yelled at Trixie. During an unscheduled appointment Trixie learned of my involvement, said I was a fake and that Kelly must stop contacting people. My Inbox filled with emails Kelly was sending to someone who claimed to have solutions for her problems. Kelly was showing a spark of independence, writing her own narrative story for this person to read.

Next day she was shaky, wanting me to get pictures for 'the Book' as she wanted them. I wondered if Trixie was planning Kelly's demise, as it was referred to. On the surface Trixie changed tack overnight, now blaming others for Kelly's problems, her 'illness'. She said Kelly must move far away straight away. I commented that it would need planning and discussing with her close friend and her ex-husband. 'I know' she said. 'I didn't think it could be that easy.' I wondered if moving far away was a euphemism for Kelly's demise or suicide, phrased such that she would know what she was to do, and Trixie could deny any involvement.

'Yes you' came an email from an unknown alter, indicating I was indeed the cause of the problems. I wanted to reply that Trixie should go to jail but settled for 'Oh'. This was all disappointing and I hoped Trixie's control had slipped a notch. Nolly wrote that Daisy had been for an appointment that Kelly didn't know about. 'Do you think Trixie was angling for information from Daisy, or giving her instructions?' I asked. The reply came 'Instructions'.

Was Trixie following her own instructions properly, or batting about in the wind while breaking every boundary and guideline?

Please do not assume that, because you do not do the things outlined here,

or you have not come across them, absolutely no-one else does them

Undermining the Underminers

Family crises in Kelly's life intervened, and there were more days for undermining the Underminers, whoever, wherever, whyever.

No-one has to believe any of this. Not all of these things happen to people involved in ‘satanic’ or other cult ritual activity, and certainly not to many people in therapy. If some of the words, phrases or concepts, or sheer incredibility latch onto your curiosity or onto something meaningful, that is what ‘the Book’ is meant for:

* To de-mystify the otherwise unbelievable

* To show these things can happen

* That they are basically an extension of other aspects of human behaviour, however inhuman, crass, ridiculous, stupid, unnecessary, it may all seem

* It could happen to people close to us

*If we don't listen, we won't hear

Principles which can be used to control others can also be used to undo control

Anyone for Chess?

There was such a performance and so much time being spent in controlling women like Kelly almost daily. Perhaps it was something along the lines of Snakes & Ladders with fixed dice, but so very desperate, life-threatening even. There seemed no fun in it! And if you kill off too many vulnerable oponents, who will you torment? The robot jeered saying I was a bored wannabe at my computer, hanging on by a thread. I would have loved to put this to one side. I knew Kelly and others could not until other people realised how these things occur. Forewarned is forearmed, as the saying goes.

The Carousel was meaningful, each steed on a pole, forced round and round to someone's tune, unable to get off unless something happens. Or someone stops the ride to spoil all the fun: Of those who set it up. OK, I'm a spoiler wannabe.

I don't think people higher up could stop the ride and get off either. Clearly strategic planning went on somewhere, not connected with the frenzy of cult meetings. And someone went round collecting people to attend, generally as it grew dark so time varied, ticking names off a list to ensure that those who defaulted got extra 'therapy', or they paid for their independence some other way.

Fiction? I wish. Probably so did they from both sides of the fence:

Those 'with rank' who were Somebodies, and those 'without rank' who were Nobodies

For certain reasons the so-called Nobodies were much in demand

Perhaps they were needed to facilitate demons or forces of some kind

So they could give information or instructions to the cult higher-ups

Or to give them a sense of power

Somehow forces were playing through Kelly and her alters. Trixie and her kind were doing their very best or worst. I was doing mine. Perhaps it was somehow meant to be, I do not know. It seemed like a game of Chess with the opposing side tearing up the rule book, then chucking out the board.

A Different Path?

I tried to get glimpses of the thinking behind cult ritual abuse and ‘satanism’ as well as other cult-like groups, where these seem to impinge/take over the life of those involved. Choosing a so-called left-hand-path of development as a selfish path is one thing. Causing pain to others, emotional suffering and confusion, ruination, even death, is altogether something else. I looked at sadism and narcissism, Voodoo and anything else, and joined email groups of people proudly calling themselves satanists and joking about their attitudes and practices.

I like to satisfy myself that someone really does have a choice in their decisions and actions. Because, if someone else is calling the shots through bullying, intimidation, violence, seduction, involvement in drug-taking, then something needs doing about it. That is what our basic legal system and human rights are about, the right to freewill and action, at least in theory. We can surely get closer to what is fair, than the situation surrounding Kelly.

People who have trouble controlling themselves and their lives, may seek to control others. If they don’t believe in reincarnation, spirits of ancestors, or the concept of karma, they may be out for anything they can get in this lifetime, robbing people of their worldly goods, or syphoning off their physical time and energies. I hope nothing like this happens to you, but if it does there are books on protecting yourself psychically, in the same way as you put locks on your doors and windows to protect your house. Just because you don’t believe these things happen, that no-one would do them or it wouldn’t work, doesn’t mean that other people don’t do it, putting their very souls into it.

Most of us are similar in that once we were children, not as strong as adults around us, and not aware of options for later life. Perhaps this is one reason why children gang together, or as adults we join things or get drawn in, either with friends or by seeking out people to be with in a pairing relationship or group. There is safety in numbers, no longer small, alone, not listened to, unable to fight back.

Suppose now, a society or subculture which makes it their business in some way to control their children, children of others, weaker members, and thereby gain continuity of their beliefs and practices. There’s nothing unusual about this when it happens naturally via family practices, culture and belief systems, or on a wider scale in a region or country. George Orwell, Aldous Huxley, B.F. Skinner have written about utopias and control of society in a wide sense. Suppose you really think the end of the world is coming, except that certain people only will survive, and you want to ensure your survival over others. Or you think you are stuck with this world and will do your damnedest to maintain position, economically, socially, or in terms of control. Might you opt for a system of social and mental control, creating an underclass of vulnerable people who would be expendable or transferable like a commodity?

Possibilities are endless. You only have to witness stage hypnotism with genuine post-hypnotic suggestion being acted upon by subjects, to see what is possible, not with years of conditioning but just a little, acting on the subconscious of those who are susceptible. Increase the length of time and the indoctrination process, and more of us become susceptible quite easily.

All these things and more, make me suspicious of those detractors who deny that there ever can be any kind of ‘satanic’ or cult ritual abuse. We all like to think we are discerning and can winkle the possible from the impossible, the likely from the unlikely, the appropriate from the inappropriate. I believe use of ‘satanic’ or ‘satanism’ to be a bit of a red herring. There are plenty of satanists who are not involved in cult ritual abuse. Quite why they feel bound to insist that, because they don’t do it, no-one else does, I have no idea. Maybe it’s their idea of an in-joke. I would respect them and their beliefs more if they looked into it properly.

Other writers whom I admire for their critical thinking sometimes dismiss this whole subject in a brief paragraph in an otherwise excellent book. That is on their conscience not mine, but it seems a pity they even mentioned the subject. We can look further than the ends of our noses.

Someone I met by chance took the trouble to explain how she saw choosing a path of evil. She felt it was a spiritual path or choice. If one wishes to change that path or reverse a choice, the spiritual aspect needs taking into consideration, as well as the practices engaged in.

You may choose to read it or not, to believe any of it or not. Many small parts make up a picture. The picture is different for us all. I have been the scribe here because I believe it is important to convey some things I became aware of. I don’t believe I got all of them wrong.

Weird Wednesday

The next day was like the Mad Hatter's Tea Party. Some alters were writing in each others' style, telling me I was replying to the wrong person, yet not saying how to make contact with themselves. I was being fed snippets of information so I asked questions. 'Dah' came the reply from whoever. 'It's dumb for you to believe everything people say.'

It was all dumb to me, and some alters were in the thick of it, aware of crucial dynamics withheld so far and now dangled under my nose. This was another ploy which could take hours to unravel. Dumb for listening, dumb for checking, dumb for trusting anyone at all, dumb for trying to help. Dumb for thinking Kelly was naive. That she wanted to help others caught in the same maelstrom. Time would tell.

It didn't take long. I checked emails but all seemed quiet. Kelly had been distracted and was probably switching alters or busy with family. At the usual night-time hour emails arrived from her: 'There's someone in my driveway staring in. There's knocking at the door. There's never knocking at my door. Help, I'm scared.' Kelly had clearly had a brainwipe so as to have no idea of the risks. I was too late to help evade them this time.

Some people denigrate brainwashing, saying you can't wash a brain so anything anybody says about it is nonsense. As the robot alter would say 'Hahaha'. Let's hope they never have a brainwash or a brainwipe themselves. They wouldn't remember it, any more than Kelly and others like her could. How would people react to someone parked on their own driveway, inducing a fear that they cannot fathom? Someone had recently put considerable hours of work in on Kelly to render her tabula rasa with no means of defending herself. It was probably coming from the same source as the false information that I would be away on vacation and thus unavailable.

When Kelly did recall things she was a problem to those who threatened her, including her therapist who considered she had a handle on everything. Many things she did, but not all. The questions uppermost in my mind were: How could anyone afford to spend 8 hours during one week plus more over the weekend, conditioning Kelly and Daisy, and why? If they were too much trouble, why allow the continued risk they would act up or spill the beans? Could they be providing something the cult desperately needed, and that sometimes they were treated more as part of the in-crowd? Some alters knew more than they generally let on.

Was Kelly a front person, kept genuinely innocent for some reason? Sometimes she quickly grasped what was happening, but recently nothing was sticking long enough to act on. It concerned me that she might be taken away and punished by the cult. They could implant other personae or alters better suited to their requirements - and less trouble for them.

I knew the circumstances in which Kelly came on the scene to help out the host-person Caitlin, and to my way of thinking both had rights. What relevance did my way of thinking have to do with it!

A Dangle to Ponder

Daisy was in a state with something important to tell me. Several times Daisy had asked Trixie to promise something or to do something. On this occasion Trixie made things awkward for Daisy, who was scared that Kelly would get into trouble with her partner whom I call Phil. I did not find out how anyone in Kelly's small DID system could already know that something had gone wrong. I also considered it something-and-nothing, although it could be on the edge of something significant. (It turned out to be part of the game of Snatch, where Trixie would snatch things away, or refused to return items to Kelly or Daisy, see A Singular Mean-ing and more specifically How Some of it is Achieved.)

Phil was not a live-in partner and was mostly absent at weekends when Kelly was now at most risk. It obviously suited the cult and I had wondered about it, but Phil had reasons for being away. It was Phil who paid for Kelly's therapy as well as some household bills. Remember that saying about the person who pays the piper calling the tune?

Phil had been to see Trixie, and I commented to the person translating for Daisy: 'Phil will soon see that there's something seriously wrong with Trixie's boundaries. And what does Phil think about all those extra hours Kelly has in therapy?'

'Phil is in on all of it' came the reply, and nothing more was forthcoming. Another dangle for me to ponder.

Phil could be bossy and Daisy was never easy about it. Kelly opened up occasionally, but for the most part I tried to steer clear. Kelly went into the situation with her eyes open - so I thought. Now questions arose whether she had literally been set up, or if Phil was set up to support the therapy, with instructions to take Kelly to visit triggering places or people. I had been viewing things through eyes unaccustomed to the cult's ways, means and connections.

Phil had a history of befriending lone parents with young children. I do not believe there was an interest in the children sexually on Phil's part, but there was more of a caretaker role undertaken on behalf of the cult for their own reasons. One of Kelly's children could be of interest to the cult, through having some of Kelly's traits that were valued. I have no idea about the adults or children in other families that Phil befriended and paid towards.

This caretaker role could theoretically be undertaken by a male or female. Another feature of Kelly's life had been threats that her children would be taken away unless she consented to something. This was a general threat made to some mothers to get them to comply. Sometimes Kelly's children were taken away and later returned, this not always being carried out through official channels. Things like this seemed to go on in the area, with some people being aware though taking no action over them. Perhaps we should name it Conspiracy City or would that be taking things a deal side too far?

I could not see how or why Phil and Trixie could be colluding over Kelly's therapy of dubious nature. People say that collusion is an unconscious process. There was nothing unconscious about this, if it were as overt as the dangle implied. Kelly suggested a reason for Phil spending a lot of money on the therapy for her, which could have been a convenient cover story. I did not know the reality, and Kelly would not be aware. I'd had hopes of Phil sorting out some of the mess. Several times it crossed my mind that something was wrong, but the collusion scenario in particular had seemed too unlikely. I am not saying there is a definite connection here.

Some people might be cult-connected while not necessarily getting involved in cult rituals or meetings. Some aspects could be like a club: You'd probably know who is in the club, or there is a form of dress or behaviour so you can tell or guess. Other people would be clueless unless they had a reason to suspect. If you were not a Somebody or cult member with rank, or were not cult-connected, you were a Nobody like a cog in a machine or a commodity. Or you would be any ordinary member of the public - I'll opt to be one of those then ...

The point is:

Some people do not have an option. However they had got into the mess that took them towards the cult, there was not a 'However you can get out again' clause. Some do. It is not easy and it may take more than one determined effort or some help. The first step is to recognise the situation.

The question is:

How can someone like Kelly who is surrounded by strong people (apparently in cahoots with one another through whatever drove them cult-wards) explain it to others and get free? Kelly was told that, by insisting there was a local cult it showed she was psychotic. If she did not retract, she would not be allowed home from hospital.

It may help you to know:

It may help you to work out if anything along these lines is wrong in your own life, or that of someone you know. I believe the principles outlined in 'A Singular Yarn' may apply to some other single-parent families in Kelly's situation and/or location. It is in this spirit that the material is presented. There can be other reasons why people get involved in things that they cannot easily get out of, which would be a story for another day!

Fake, Flake or Deluded

Describing the dynamics of a veritable web of ritual abuse, plus a bad therapist or two, the Author gets some flak. Is she a fake or a flake, or plain delusional? If not much of those, what has Kelly gone through? How is it maintained?

It is worth mentioning these issues, even though people may call me a flake or I could be wrong on some of it. It makes a change from the 'fake' label that people in Kelly's life pinned on me no matter what. When people are in trouble and the chips are really down, they look for information or help. They need to work out what is good or expedient for them, and what is not.

I have no way of verifying much of what Kelly told me, but I heard enough to cause concern. It is easy for a folie-a-deux to form, however hard one tries to keep things straight. Kelly could just have been terribly confused, or perhaps that is how someone wanted things to be or to look. An alternative I seriously considered was that she was psychopathic, using every attention-seeking ploy in the book and plenty more. If I find out that I've been conned, you have my word that I will admit it.

If people do not realise there can be flakes and fakes out there, they come to trust and rely on those who are not up to the task, or who have a different agenda.

A Singular Mean-ing

'The Book' spread across these pages is a collage of bits and pieces that unfolded during Internet contact with Kelly, whom I met online for 7 years. I have no wish to keep on with the pithy words and phrases. I will see what else I can do, as she is continually told she cannot break with her therapy, which to my mind makes things worse, and the stricture is unethical. Deals were made with a previous therapist that Kelly would be left alone, both by her and by the local cult. Those did not work.

This is not a scenario where a suggestible woman goes for therapy and comes out believing she was ritually abused, when it may not be a 100 percent from reliable memory. Memories are unreliable in the best of circumstances. Attempts were made to make Kelly believe that a lot of cultic abuse had happened, then that nothing like it could have done, and now that nothing like it was happening to her still. I beg to differ. The explanations and denials whizzed round like a veritable whirligig, a device used as a military punishment. The offender was put in a cage which was spun rapidly, resulting in nausea and vomiting

Also see How Some of it is Achieved further down this page

Joining the Circus

Perhaps it was more like a Circus with vulnerable women made to perform to someone else's tune, though they got no money or benefits. Quite a tune was playing with a myriad hoops to jump, till one wonders that anyone could survive in body or spirit. So long as Kelly had links with other people, the perpetrators could not go ahead successfully with the elusive thing they desired and worked for. Some men in the area got what they desired and paid for. It seemed part and parcel of the same scenario or game-plan.

Hard to see it and explain it though. All I can add to the accounts and thoughts herein, is that it seemed to be an exercise in obliterating personality parts in a target population, and attempting to place others there instead. Sounds crazy or evil? I think the perpetrators are both, but what do you think?

We have collectively been led to believe that any idea of ritual abuse is hooey. Whilst some people go ahead with hooey activities nonetheless (not believing the official spiel - why would they?), people's souls are at risk, towns burn and people loot, prices rocket and banks occasionally crumble.

Apart from my concerns for Kelly and others like her, I have concerns that we have become too involved in thinking that pills or therapy or both, could or should be the answer to the human condition that has surely been around for as long as humans: How to get along with ourselves and each other, wondering if we really do have souls, and raising children.

I feel that this type of perpetrator believes that we do have souls. For some reason they want to prevent people connecting up with their own. An easy way to achieve this is to target children in their formative years. Kelly had a child with outstanding skills. Is that the real goal, with Kelly a means to an end in more ways than one? If they knew how her mind worked or what kept her from going under, could they bend her child to their ways faster and more effectively?

Is that what they hoped and worked for year-in and year-out? Otherwise it is hard to see why such effort was going into this one situation. Unless of course the perpetrators were being paid a lot, or threatened with a whirligig maybe. Who would believe it anyway?

Good plan. Just how Mean can you get?

Here's that Circus again folks, with its hoops and whips, its drama and tricks

To lure you in, get your children to believe in it, and run off to join the Circus

How Some of it is Achieved

There's a lot of talk about mind control and programming, gangstalking and gaslighting. For people whose lives are not affected, these are irrelevant or simply nasty ideas that can't be proven one way or another and they can try to avoid them. Often the issues get vehemently denied, as are the devastating experiences of those unfortunate enough to fall foul of them.

Let's not overload ourselves with words and concepts. Picture bad or unfortunate child-rearing where experiences are not ideal, parents have bad days or bad habits, or confusing or damaging messages they themselves received may get passed down. Picture B.F. Skinner who controlled the environment and behaviour of pigeons, and attempted to apply the principles to child-rearing and society in general. There are many ideas of Utopia, or achieving an ideal society, perhaps just ideal in the eyes of those who manage it. Picture George Orwell's Nineteen-Eighty-Four and Animal Farm.

You don't have to be a teacher or a psychologist to understand about encouraging children to do things, and soothing them when they are upset or hurt. You can teach children boundaries. You can show them how to fight, or to find other ways of handling things. Children are sometimes encouraged to play with sand or dolls or drawings, to express difficult experiences and emotions. Care needs to be taken not to infer too much, blaming the wrong people for things, or for something that may not even have happened.

Trixie the therapist played snatch games. A sequence of events leads a child or client to believe something is predictable or likely to follow, a switch gets pulled and the opposite happens. The toy or sweet that is promised time after time, now gets withheld or snatched away. At best you might call that unfortunate intermittent reinforcement. It is hard to straighten out, and is really is the sort of thing one expects a therapist to be straightening out.

Clients were led to believe they have no worth, no personal rights or expectations. A therapist, who is supposed to behave ethically and helpfully, undermines the very being of those most vulnerable and least able to resist. All of us have younger aspects or sides to ourselves, and things we recall that are upsetting. There are things that we wish could be better. We can pay too high a price in attempting to improve our lot, or the lives of our children.

I heard about the snatch games, and how no persona (whom Trixie did not want) could have a say. Having first claimed she did not know of or believe in dissociation, Trixie had said she would condition Daisy the 5-year old protective alter, out of existence. Now the only things happening were so-called play therapy with Daisy, a vast increase in hours and fees, more cult vulnerability and events, and trouble for Kelly if she did remember or resist. Trixie lined up stones, saying each one represented a bad part of Kelly's life. This caused Kelly to break out of the conditioning, saying 'How would you like it if those happened to you?' and becoming aware of a cult vehicle parked outside.

Trixie insisted that all of Kelly's problems arose through self-created anxiety. In an unprecedented move, Nolly the 'interpreter/protector' sent an email to Trixie after such a session, saying that Kelly had indeed had a lot of bad experiences, so how was the anxiety simply self-created. Kelly had also challenged Trixie over her comment that Kelly had returned to a 'bad habit' in wishing to understand a trigger.

I had been puzzled early on by Daisy and Kelly saying there were cult triggers in the therapy room. Trixie claimed they had to get used to them, as part of exposure therapy. Trixie's husband used to enter the therapy room with sweets for Daisy who was terrified, yelling that Trixie should not let him in or she would quit. The reply she received was 'It's my therapy room. I'll have in it who I want, any time I want.' (This is from the boundary-lady, remember?)

It seemed that Trixie would also say whatever she wanted.

Note: 'Quit' was a significant word that was sometimes used like a trigger

Kelly's previous therapist Marta used to phone her saying 'I quit', which was a cue for Kelly or Caitlin to race to her office in a blind panic of being abandoned

Sometimes it was more in the sense of 'You do this, or you're finished, dead'

Playground behaviour, though much much worse

Manipulation of attachment needs

Amping up the transference

Whatever they could use to abuse

Picture a therapist then, who raises hopes and expectations by promising a safe haven for children or adults to recuperate, learn and grow:

Instead of explaining and demonstrating appropriate boundaries and behaviour, she confuses them excessively

Instead of acting as a suitable mature role model, she dresses in provocative clothing, moving around to show her physical attributes, and continuing when asked to stop

And hypnotises them by flashing lots of sparkling jewellery, or with subtle words and phrases

Total overkill, sometimes exacerbated by tribal adornment
(look-alike pictures show no indication of Trixie being from the Reservations)

Did you ever hear anything like this?

Boundaries, what boundaries?

Safe Haven? You have to be kidding!

Who needs this stuff?


It is easy for people to con others in the therapy line, either directly or by convincing someone to pay for child therapy, or for Kelly's, whose childhood experiences were confusing in themselves. Kelly was told that all her problems could be 'cured' but would need longterm therapy with Trixie. No other avenue would do. In the past she had sought and benefited from other approaches.

And in recent discussions with Kelly she fully appreciated that, if you treat people decently they are a lot more likely to feel like people, and to behave like people. Kelly had lived in a deprived area, and she now wanted to write about the social dynamics of people in that situation, who were kept there by the system, advertently or inadvertently. Doesn't this sound like a grown woman, whose education and talents could be put to better use than a Stepford reality? Or being subjected to 3 hours of play therapy at quite so many dollars per hour?

Snippets from the early days indicated that Kelly or Caitlin the host-person, were involved in things with Marta and her cronies where they were regarded as more of an equal. When they refused to get involved in some of the group aims, troubles began as they became part of the under-class, that somehow kept others 'top of the heap'.

Kelly or Caitlin would never accuse anyone of things they could not prove, nor do things they did not believe were right. Perhaps herein lay a clue to what happened since, at such a price to all.

If you hear any of these words or phrases in a situation that you are uneasy about, they could be a natural occurrence, they could be meant kindly, they could be beneficial. Only you can decide whether they fall on the other side of the coin, for you.

Cult, Kin or Klan?

I collected snippets from Kelly, Daisy, and someone calling themselves Informant who gave useful insights. She said that Daisy played through the 3-hour therapy appointments while refusing to listen or to speak, calling Trixie dumb and only capable of psych 101. I was seeking an inroad into why 1+1/2 hours were paid for instead of the 3 designated hours. And Kelly was gone from home for far longer anyway. 'Do the math' I suggested to Informant, as I gingerly outlined other queries. For more on the development of Informant see the Addendum page.

Having gathered my thoughts, I gradually slipped questions into email exchanges with Kelly, but it was as though those sections were in invisible ink. However something was happening as we did our pre-therapy emails to try to normalise her, and she said she simply did not feel like going to the session.

Daisy emailed 3 hours later that Trixie had turned up at their house for a nice chat and she would help Daisy to write a book. Informant asked how Trixie could know Kelly and I were doing that, and I felt Daisy was questioned during sessions. It seemed people were now fighting through Daisy, a 5-year old alter who could sometimes be swayed, sometimes not, and was mostly a bit of both, basically wanting a momi.

Daisy and Informant had pressed me all day to guarantee never to go away, as Nolly had tried on me recently, but I dealt with other issues first. At the risk of alienating everyone, I now laid down some terms and said I would not budge, as they would get what they got. Informant insisted it was crucial for Daisy. I explained that cults use guarantees, as do bad therapists. And then they twist things.

Informant then asked if I thought there would be trouble over the weekend, and which night 'they' were likely to come. I asked about things she had told me, like there being no cult, no people knocking at the door leaving footprints, just the wind rattling round. I did not mention answers she had given to questions about the harassment, truck parked outside, things that made Kelly forget, which Informant only recently explained as Trixie wanting total control.

I asked Informant about a statement by Trixie that, if there was still cult involvement, Kelly should say she wanted it stopped (which I felt would come at a price, an agreement). Informant replied there was no cult, and it was all down to Marta and her friends playing games. She did not answer my questions on it. I decided to think of that arena as klan rather than the main cult. I knew things about both types of activity there, and it was difficult to distinguish. Cult appearing in 'the Book' could mean both types. Klan means Marta and friends, or male paying clients who never gave Kelly any consideration, monetary or otherwise. A game for them, money for Marta, no fun for Kelly.

Informant asked why I treated everyone as an enemy. Let me think about that one! A better name for Informant could be something like Misinformant or Disinfectant: Part of the clean-up crew. Divide and conquer, miscontrue and generally mess with.

So when people talk of 'satanic' or cultic ritual abuse we need to be wary (and I felt quite weary), that the terms can cover a multitude of sins and sinners. Trying to lump them all together will get none of us anywhere in understanding these cults and klans.

For the second time around now, I had answered for myself some of what was going on in the name of therapy for Kelly. It was only when Kelly saw it for herself that things could shift properly. If attendance at the reinforcing therapy for the cult or klan lessened, the situation could ease, though perhaps something surges up within as the calendar turns, tides rise, and the piper plays his tune. Evil, like the heat-seeking missile it is, would track them down, using any situation or vulnerability, fighting through a young alter, a desperate need, a past trauma, or a bit of confusion within. Which of us does not have any one of those?

Get Good Help or None At All!

Just be warned, and -

If in doubt, don't get involved

Mind what you say on the Web

Links on Gangstalking, Gaslighting, Harassment, Stalking

Check out the following written from a psychoanalytical approach:
'On the Need for New Criteria of Diagnosis of Psychosis in the Light of Mind Invasive Technology' by Carole Smith www.btinternet.com/~psycho_social/Vol3/JPSS-CS2.html

'Hacking the Mind - Intrusive Brain Reading Surveillance Technology'


Kelly was also subjected to episodes of frequent phone hang-ups and silent calls, which generally predisposed her to feeling fearful, and were often a precursor to something else happening, a common factor in general harassment.

Web of Deception

‘Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practise to deceive'. We can weave a web of deceit around ourselves if we wish. But why do people weave it around others?

Principles which can be used to control others can also be used to undo control

We need to know more about abusive behaviours, and inequalities in areas that keep some people vulnerable. The most vulnerable tend to be further abused, put upon, ignored, or further confused. Kelly knew it was happening to others in her area, and some people who'd known her a long time were aware in some sense of her situation, and about some of the people involved. It was a strange co-existence - Could any of us get entangled?

Please do not assume that, because you do not do the things outlined here, or you have not come across them, absolutely no-one else does them.

Follow this link for Measures & Countermeasures page

Imagery, Support

Yarnlyte text version for mobile phones is at www.scriptore.org.uk

Pictures appear throughout this site which will mean different things to different people. We hope you will find some of them uplifting in times of trouble. A picture can speak a thousand words, and do so much more. If you think an image should not appear on this site, let us know via the Form - Contact Form/Comments.

You can search on Google for images, and eBay is another good source. There are inexpensive agate or jasper crosses, Celtic or Christian crosses, guardian angels, Orthodox crosses, icons of many different figures. We have put together a few images and prayers to help in times of need at Measures and Countermeasures. You can also find images or articles that suit you and your situation best.

People who are puzzled or desperate often search the Internet, burning the midnight oil until they find something that makes sense. We don't claim 'the Book' is the answer to people's problems, but it may help you gain confidence while you search. Look on it as a friend-in-court for when life goes crazy around you.

Information or Help

People need to use their personal circumstances and discretion, their beliefs or disinclinations. Waters have become so muddied that opinion settles one way or another, for or against this approach or that, leaving people with no personal options. We have to find some!

If Only

Many thoughts come to mind. Should I probably have done this, but definitely not that? Or do we judge ourselves by outcomes, as if the end justifies the means and it all turns out for the best? Should we look back with 'If only'?

Would I have got into this if I were not so curious, or if I knew how unreasonable Kelly could be about my commitment? Probably not. What kept me there was that Kelly and others like her had no chance of seeing or freeing themselves. That was because other people performed antics to prevent them doing so, worthy of the best or the worst circus. In this case it was 2 therapists. How could I not be involved? It was also because people who did believe were not believed themselves, and that others did not believe with a huge full-stop.

By a quirk of fate I was away a couple of days. Ironically Kelly now put together that she was involved with a twisting therapist Trixie, having already been through this with Marta, whom I'd crossed swords with in weird emails. Now Kelly said 'Either Trixie is playing a game with me, or you are. Like with Marta, it is her and not you. Marta is the main one, Trixie is the side-digger. You made me see that with the picture.' (I'd sent Kelly a picture of a group in another context, though could not see the connection.) She now realised the cult were active in her life again, where she'd made excuses for the bruises and pain, occasionally asking 'How long have I been getting hurt again?' or being scared of people at the door.

I had wondered if Kelly was playing out games with me through her past experiences, and her histrionic and dissociative make-up. But I had been involved overall for 9 years. I knew Trixie worked with Marta before where she had dealings with parts of Kelly's psyche, particularly Daisy the 5-year old protective alter (except when acting the opposite), and teenager Casey who was crucial. She is not mentioned much in 'the Book' as it would be too personal for parties involved.

Kelly was not the host-person, having come along when Caitlin could not cope, and they managed things together since university. Caitlin was gentle and sensitive and disappeared for long periods. Kelly used to be forthright but was now cowed. Other alters helped with chores and children. Seeing how I supported Kelly others wanted the same, which was too time-consuming as each wanted to get to know me and bickered over detail. I wondered whether some well-meaning supporters and therapists got tangled in an area where one is 'the expert' on a DID system. I trained in behavioural and psychodynamic work, and believe social conditions are often paramount in people's problems. Certainly looking at them can be useful.

Later I trained in hypnotherapy and met some of the best in the field, and others I would not wish on an enemy. Be careful who gets into your psyche, because your needs can become a road to hell, paved by other people's intentions. This applies to people you mix with in your personal or work environment. Just know where you are with yourself.

Whenever I tried to set a boundary with Kelly hoping that the one baseline could generalise, things went haywire. Boundaries are the antithesis of what some bad partners, cults, conmen or conwomen require, including bad therapists - in this case with cult allegiance. The sad thing was that they could have helped Kelly. Instead she was undermined, and many things she tried boomeranged back. The wonder was that Kelly had a flair for intervening in neighbourhood disputes and children's spats, knowing how far things should go and how to remedy them.

What clued me in with doubts about Trixie was her repeated reference to boundaries. How did Kelly know about Trixie's personal life, hopes and fears, yet any issues Kelly raised or wanted help with were out of bounds? Trixie said she would not reply to emails as it was a boundary. She did though when things got out of hand, which is natural. Her words were chosen to give one meaning if it became public, while Kelly picked up another. There were times when I said something in good faith, and Kelly reacted as if it were destructive.

I had to weigh up whether Kelly would want me to help others in her predicament, against further punishments getting meted out to her. In our early days of contact, it seemed life-and-death in her immediate future via threats, and surely no-one could survive this for another week, month, or year?

The idea was to make it impossible for victims to be separate from the cult. They were bonded as though some lien formed a one-way track to the cult. If Kelly got away it could mean punishment. This was part of the lien, the bondage, making it stick like glue. It could also be what kept people like Kelly alive and struggling as if having super-human qualities. Perhaps it was like everlasting life in a hell-on-earth. I believe it is important for people to realise things for themselves, not have them implanted via a different, even well-meaning agenda. It could be that the price was too high for Kelly. Why should someone else set the price for her?

I went online before and after Kelly's appointments with Trixie, realising that she went missing for a substantial period of time. The idea was to minimise her vulnerability. Although Kelly was sure she had quit therapy, she still attended appointments, being vague over going and most of what occurred. I began to stress that she should be aware for some of the time, or else it was inappropriate for Trixie to see her. Trixie was courting young Daisy as the easiest inroad. I did not know if the sweets given were drugged. Trixie called at the house after a missed appointment, and Daisy let her in. Kelly had an agreement that Trixie should not even drive by the house, because of how Marta had been.

When Kelly said Trixie phoned with another appointment, she did not mention the late night visit. I thought she knew of it at some level, and had left things to Daisy. I mentioned it to Kelly, provoking a reaction of horror. She said we had to sort it out now before my days away, as she would never go back there. I asked if she would want me to tell her of anything like this again, and she said yes.

I emailed Kelly a broad outline of some of the points, being careful over what I knew through our being online, or what I wondered or believed. Kelly's usual way of dealing with threatening events was to think of them as a dream, for a while anyway. How could she do that with my summary now in front of her?

I was wondering if Kelly had been to see Trixie again and was somehow complicit in something. She was reluctant to communicate and was sending me personal questions. I went online after being away and emailed that I was back, but there was nothing for a couple of hours. Thinking Kelly might have missed my message, I repeated that I was back. 'I am here' she replied. 'Waiting for you to answer my questions.' I did not know if she'd been there all that while. We were both tired and fixed for the following day rather than get out of kilter.

Boggle Up or Boggle Down

Boggle threshold: Term coined by parapsychologist Renée Haynes to indicate the level at which the mind 'boggles' or is thwarted by the degree of improbability of a phenomenon. It is similar to other measures of the strangeness level of a phenomenon expressed by others.

Improbability is in the eye of the beholder. I had thought around various issues, wondering where we might have gone wrong or could perhaps view things differently. This was a time I nearly blew things and was lucky not to get the chance. 'You're confusing me with all these questions' Kelly complained. But we established that Kelly was not always clingy towards me, and when she wanted assurances there could be other factors involved.

In the same breath as saying she would no longer see Trixie as a therapist, Kelly mentioned getting hurt again by the cult. She was adamant however that Trixie was nothing to do with the cult, even though equating her with Marta, who was. This became a 'new reality' for the time being, and it would not be good for me to press for things that I wondered or thought I knew more about.

Later Kelly emailed that I had not understood something correctly. Something had been simmering away unknown to me, and was crucial to why she would not see Trixie. This too was her reality, adding to her previous doubts over Trixie as a viable form of help for her. Kelly had been laying down challenges to Trixie which would keep Kelly on track better than anything I could say or do. I always thought she could do this but it was almost too late in coming.

It is important for people to have a sounding board for things that happen, or just their thoughts and fears. Although I did not know a lot of what happened to Kelly, she knew I was there even when we did not always agree. There were times when she appeared to have been drugged and had little recollection. Hypnosis was used to keep her confused and to play on things in her mind. During the case of a girl kept captive in someone's torture shed, she was heavily drugged to forget. Later her memories began to surface, in an environment where it was safe and conducive for her. She was able to work it out for herself at her own time and pace. No-one told her what had happened. No-one then knew, but things were subsequently confirmed.

We may wish we could speed up the process, or get it moving how we think is best, but that is not the way.

Game Ludicrass

The cult needed cult fodder, they wanted women, and they needed to have control over them. They could not allow anything to be realised, or get put together and acted on. Hence the manipulation of alter personalities and altered states of consciousness. They wanted people regarded as flaky or mentally ill, so that no-one would believe them. If psych methods did not work there was backup, like the memory-loss machine in the truck parked outside. This is what I term clean-up crew rather than cult-night roundings by Transport, though they could be the same. Laura, mentioned in Addendum told me of a sound-and-light machine affecting her consciousness, as others too have described.

There are more physical methods still, appearing just recently in CSI on mainstream television. Now we all know it's not just down to conspiracy nuts or double-dealers in Spooksville. I still could not understand why perpetrators used cumbersome psych methods like 3-hour therapy and fear induction, when something else would do the job just like that, to quote Tommy Cooper. Perhaps they had to pay for stuff, or they needed permission to use it, or had to report back on the efficacy for some situational or longitudinal study.

I think Kelly's problems arose because she wanted permanent guarantees and assurances. Marta and the cult offered those, while at other times making Kelly's life sheer hell. Maybe that's where the concept of 'satanism' comes in, with its high devil drama and apparent demons. Trixie's soft-soap approach to 'solving all problems' was what Kelly/Caitlin wanted to hear. It is difficult sometimes to sort out who has rights or who made a contract. Although I appreciated the role that Daisy and others played, I was not going down the road of putting their needs first. Someone else was twisting those. Getting bent out-of-shape is not descriptive enough. Maybe those 'with rank' got their ideas of dissociation from La Femme Nikita, and fancied factoring those 'without rank' into a tool incapable of knowing what they did to order. No-one could be held to blame, which is how things can often seem with DID.

I wondered if there was a kind of operational spreadsheet: This is an A4 so proceed accordingly, or it's C2 or XYZ. Anyone who has uploaded webpages to the wrong directory, or looked for something in the wrong file knows that things don't show up there. Kelly's psyche was like an experience or a mood being placed in one part or folder, unlikely to reach others unless there was some link, or meltdown.

For the perpetrators it must be the high drama, the fun of the game, thrill of the chase, the supremacy, or a need to keep experimenting in societal control on someone else's whim or instruction. They want to demonstrate something, while having us argue that things can't happen that way so they haven't, or they haven't happened that way so they can't, or something. Someone higher up the chain yanks their chains via threats and inducements, sticks and carrots, divide and conquer, hearts and minds, body and soul. Isn't that how it's done? We should all watch re-runs of The Professionals, then we'd know.

Fantasies and Fantasmagoria

Kelly and others like her can hardly be expected to see a lot of what goes on around them. If they do realise, they are labelled crazy and 'treated' accordingly, as in how they are regarded, or all sorts of theories get bandied about over them. Ian Hacking has written about people getting caught in a vector when expert views clash, which actually creates stresses. Worth a look. After all, we are labelling people here, and what can they do about it?

We have a tendency to alienate those who are weaker or different, as if something about them is threatening. Other people's theories, dreams and fantasmagoria get boring. I wanted to close on a positive note where Kelly made realisations about her therapist Trixie, who at best was inadequate, and at worst confusing to the point where it became evil, whether or not there was direct cult involvement.

Trixie kept calling Kelly mentally sick. Kelly or host Caitlin went to see her for help with a couple of fairly ordinary problems. Now Kelly was trying to break free from the therapy that allowed young alter Daisy to play for hours, while encouraging her desire for a momi. How sick can you be to do that to anyone? I encouraged the coping parts of Kelly as she struggled to come to terms with her life.

There did seem a convincing link between Trixie and the cult, when Kelly skipped appointments and punishment followed with a vehicle parked outside, people at the door, torn clothing, cuts and bruises, loud noises and ensuing shock, with Kelly having little recollection. Nowhere was this more evident than the night Kelly's emails jammed, possibly from just outside her home, and I sent scathing comments to whoever might be eavesdropping. Four hours later Kelly was at her computer shivering in just a shirt that was not hers. It was like any other rape or cult night only worse. I stayed online till 4am our time, and only managed to get her to grab a blanket.

Next day we met up as normal. 'It's good there are no emails from Trixie' wrote Kelly. 'Now I can get on with my writing. How is your day?' On she went about family things at the weekend, so on and so forth. A crazy way to cope? You be the judge. I have a family member who smiles brightly while coping with more things than most of us ever get to see, because she puts it away somewhere in her mind. We all do things differently.

Much later I was working online when I checked emails from Kelly. There was a mass of them from different alters with odd little rhymes about witches, drugs, trucks, Trixie and Marta, and insults to me which were now a feature. Fancy displays of alternating letters a and s formed pictures like a downward chain of chalices. Someone wrote in large letters 'Just let me go'. Meanwhile Kelly was saying she was fine but dizzy, and I should just go to bed.

Young Daisy was crying so much that she said Trixie was coming over to the house. I tried to warn Kelly but it was cloth-ears time. She was pleased that she had quit the therapy for 3 appointments, and to her knowledge there was no backlash. I had suggested earlier that she write a formal letter about ending the therapy but she found it too threatening. She was naturally feeling a loss at ending their arrangement.

Jingles and Jamborees

I was already aware of some of the other alters who were writing, but the jingles were gearing the system towards jamboree time. If Kelly could not stop someone opening the door to Trixie or Marta, and had only just stopped attending the therapy she had quit, now with apparently connected consequences, I did not see that we would be successful with this yet, unless things in her life changed significantly.

If the cult or whoever could not engage others within the DID system today, there was a big ol' system in place for playing catch-up tomorrow. Ain't life wonderful when there are such guarantees? We used to call it brute force and ignorance. Now we dress it up in psychodynamic or sociological terms. Let's hope they lead to greater understanding then.

Factor This

The main players were Caitlin the host, Kelly who was similar and virtually took over the reins, making some hard decisions.

There was Daisy the 5-year old who was around since Caitlin was small, and Casey a teenager, basically a younger Caitlin.

Nolly was an interpreter/protector who was quaint and formal, though now sometimes violently objecting to me.

A newer background info-person was Informant, who wanted to get pally and talk about Kelly behind her back, as had others.

Recent emails coming in from 'bad side' of the system showed things were not going smoothly there either.

There was an appointment with a psychiatrist who prescribed standard medication. Kelly had a fear of her which I partly sympathised with. I was away for another couple of days, but had not explained to Kelly as I would try to keep up. It was not enough, nothing ever would be, and Kelly kept asking if I was angry.

I received emails from both Nolly and Informant, and it was hard to tell which. One of them explained a puzzling point. Although Kelly did not wish to see Trixie, a message had gone to Trixie asking to speak to her. It seemed Caitlin made a brief return and fixed another appointment, then disappeared again. Trouble and beyond.

Informant seemed generally pleased at how things were going. 'Why can't she just pay you to do it, like you are already doing free?' someone wrote. Could this be what Kelly wanted but I would not do? Nolly said Caitlin would hopefully not get a chance to see Trixie. I asked if Nolly had changed her mind over the suitability of Caitlin making a return. No reply. I was getting curiouser though generally saying and asking less. Things went from Nolly/Informant saying things were not too bad, to a sudden alert 'Kelly is now going to the hospital'. I replied instantly 'Why, what happened?' No reply.

We now had several key factors: Kelly wanting more from me, Kelly stopping therapy with Trixie, Caitlin returning briefly and contacting Trixie, my asking Nolly about Caitlin returning, Informant asking why I could not sort Kelly out, alters who loved cult nights, but Kelly and Daisy getting severely abused at them.

Other factors generally were Kelly's natural vulnerability, her swings between believing she was not mentally sick, to thinking she must be so hospital was the fitting place. Marta had conditioned her that way, and might have sent a triggering message. Add Trixie and the apparently connected punishments for breaching therapy, and that made umpty more.

Plus Kelly had become aware of severe problems regarding therapist Trixie whom I mistrusted. Kelly was experiencing increased cultic abuse which she did not connect with Trixie. I did, though for the moment did not press it, knowing that Kelly had already seen glimpses.

A few too many factors for sorting out just like that? I should cocoa...

Tell Us Why!

So who is right? Me with a human rights approach that something ought to be done to prevent this type of carry-on, or those people who are human though not humane, with such control over others via nefarious methods, and failing that plain vicious bullying and rape. We should be able to do something about those, except that victims do not remember, or they are threatened with the worst things imaginable.

There is something wrong in all of this. Anyone can take my word for it or not. After all, it's a free country. . . This is my call to people involved in these practices to tell us honestly what is done and why, and what can be done about it. Many of us believe in some way that how we are in ourselves, before death or at the point of death, does have significance for us or those around us. And it is something that only we can sort out for ourselves.

We ordinary folks can work some things out and pass information around. It simply needs a framework not entrenched in lifestyle, belief or religion, or any psychological model. I cannot yet make it impossible for the Hicktown crew to continue. I could easily make them findable. The principles are as easily spreadable as magic tricks. Cults are well known for their lying and subterfuge, misdirection and even hi-tech illusions.

Val Valentino (born June 14, 1956) is an American illusionist, and actor, who gained fame by starring in four magic specials exposing magic secrets on the Fox network, using the stage name the Masked Magician. For a span of two years (circa 1997-1998), Valentino performed, unbilled and disguised, as the "Masked Magician" on Fox network television specials called Breaking the Magician's Code: Magic's Biggest Secrets Finally Revealed which exposed long-guarded trade secrets. The Masked Magician was also shown in the UK on the ITV network during the late 1990s and is still occasionally repeated on ITV4. Valentino signed to do the program, promising that he would only reveal the secrets behind old illusions.

However, when the programs aired, many newer illusions were also revealed. This sparked controversy, as many magicians feared that their illusions were now worthless. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Val_Valentino (Note: You can see some of these tricks on YouTube)

Send for Bodie and Doyle

What is the best way to pre-empt these pre-empters? It is time to get real, get our heads out from the sand, and stop alienating people with different experiences or the people who support them, whether they get all of it right, or they just got awful misled. 'They' think that we won't agree enough even to listen or to look, and in that way they hope to pre-empt our realisation of the reality.

Rather like what was done with Kelly and others, who could not be expected to see, although deep down they knew. Some who caught a glimmer found it all too hard, adding to the high suicide statistics of young women in crazy Hicktown. If these things were happening to someone you know, what would your reaction be? Would you be in with a chance of stepping in, so that they can step out? Just like that, Tommy Cooper-style.

Principles which can be used to control others can also be used to undo control

Could any of us get entangled?

The reader must choose where to draw the boundary on anything

It is about choice and boundaries: Don't let other people erode them -

Or Con you into thinking they are different from what you feel is right

Thank you for reading

'All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing'
Edmund Burke

Measures and Countermeasures

 Follow this link for Measures & Countermeasures page

You can search on Google for images, and eBay is another good source. There are inexpensive agate or jasper crosses, Celtic or Christian crosses, guardian angels, Orthodox crosses, icons of many different figures. We have put together a few images and prayers to help in times of need at Measures and Countermeasures. You can also find images or articles that suit you and your situation best.

Useful Links - Use Your Judgement

A book may include only a couple of paragraphs of relevance to you, but can be well worth it. A little moral support from one other person goes a long way to change the dynamics of an individual's life. Groups are strange creatures, and can be turned around for better rather than for worse. Perhaps it needs just one person to give moral support, for someone else to feel able to speak out or to stand for or against something.

If you know someone who is dissociative, or you think they could be a survivor of cult ritual abuse, follow your instincts and offer support where you can. Things are not always what they seem but they could be. You don't need to be an expert to make a difference, but you don't have to try. Don't put yourself at risk from over-involvement.

If you are not sure, or are concerned about your own situation, whether you are a survivor of abuse, of cult ritual abuse, or think you may be involved in what other people call a cult in a broad sense, give yourself time to work out what is important. Find out what you can. Get support if you can. One organisation or person may be able to help over one small aspect that makes a big difference, even if it is just by being there.

A search on Amazon or Google will help you to find what you are looking for. Also see Lucela's List for background reading, and the Links section.


That's Some Big Wheel

Kelly wrote sections for 'her Book' showing some connections I had not made. I sorted out subject areas before there was too much, without mentioning it to her yet. Some days anything or nothing produced panic in Kelly, and a feeling she must go to hospital. I grew wary. Kelly said I imagined that I was the cause of things. A new alter Lala said I was making Kelly stronger and should go away. I replied I first needed answers to what lay behind this. That registered, before someone dashed off for a therapy session that Kelly had just emphasised she would not attend.

Kelly herself failed to attend several sessions, while the cult kept calling and punishing. Kelly thought that this part of things was just imagination, while raising concern at her cuts and bruises. But Daisy saw Trixie, excited at being wooed there with crayons and sweets, not just sandplay any more. Trixie's eyes boggled as Daisy described what Kelly was saying and writing.

A long email exchange wheeled in a huge circle with Kelly playing everyone off against each other, whining she could do nothing but stay on the computer with me, the only person still in touch, and even I only listened to Daisy. I grew more wary. When 2 days later Kelly said she had taken one of her children to see Trixie, I reacted firmly that I could not get involved, and did not accept her pleas of 'What else could I do?' over a youngster spat like ones she used to manage.

Kelly told me that partner Phil had ended the relationship and financial support. I wrote to sympathise as there were family burdens too. I've not known anyone lumbered with so many chores and blamed for so much. Cinder-Kelly indeed. Informant said an appointment was now fixed for Kelly and Phil to see Trixie. In the past I pushed away personal stuff between Kelly and Phil, and had also said I could not get involved in Kelly's family which looked set on a collision course. I was uneasy about censoring a major part of our communications, although Kelly had agreed over the inadvisability of her child seeing Trixie. I said it was OK for Kelly to see her as an adult if she wanted, but her child was a minor and could not make that decision. She said if it arose again she would seek advice via a person she knew and trusted.

Someone else was censoring too, with Kelly's responses tailing off as her emails bounced back at her looking as though blocked by me: An alter, or someone jamming from a vehicle outside? An additional motivation from somewhere seemed to want to flush me out. There had been another day of Kelly asking inane personal questions to string me along. Something was going very wrong and I could not blame her. I had become curious about panic trips to hospital following requests made through others in the system, from which Kelly sensed a boundary. Kelly herself was perhaps instigating a kind of meltdown or showdown, thinking they would be easier to bear than my giving up on her.

Kelly wrote from a different email box that I had arranged for her writing. She was panicking at bouncing emails and the fewer responses from me, as if she blamed me for blocking her. At least she had the sense to check. I explained we had this trouble in the days of Marta, when I opened a new email box every week as each address was successively blocked at their end. It seemed whichever alter wrote now, I was not responding in kind as they hoped.

Lala accused me of pulling a neat trick by blocking their emails, and claimed a number were sent but I had failed to respond. She claimed 5 out of 7 from them were not getting through. But I had been checking the writing email box, and there was nothing apart from those I'd seen and answered. I suggested they re-send from the Sent box, that I'd been checking and they had not appeared there.

Now that Trixie and/or the cult knew Kelly was telling me things, it could be a risk for her or the children. A situation had come about or been induced, where Trixie was called in over one child who was just of an age for the cult and of interest to them. Trixie was called the same week over Phil and Kelly. Kelly's attempts to seek moral support over difficult issues were being blocked, even though I could not do much and might not always agree. If these people were doing half these things, what was the danger to Kelly in real terms, or for the child she took such pains to protect? Maybe the cult thought Phil's role was over. I had recently asked Daisy's interpreter about Phil's possible collusion with Trixie, and again got no reply.

Kelly was in a spin and could not see anything other than trying to avoid the unavoidable. In her panics she got involved with people who needed someone highly manipulable. That was part of her draw, her power. When she thought clearly she surpassed anything I am capable of, but otherwise she froze like a rabbit in headlights. Or else she short-circuited as a result of years of conditioning: call the cops, go to hospital, rush to see Marta or Trixie, leave the house because of a smell of smoke. She used to grasp what I was saying, and was able to expand on strategies as though born to it. We both knew her capacities were diminished and I could not see how she kept going.

It was apparent from Kelly's writing that she always knew of cult dangers for her children, leaving town with them when they were tiny, although she was now not properly aware of why. She used to discuss the cult openly in relation to Marta, but not for the last few months. It was as if it none of it ever happened. She seemed oblivious to the cult in relation to her children who were growing older, and I felt this was potentially a very serious problem. In flashes of insight Kelly knew Trixie equalled Marta equalled cult, and that I was not the person playing games.

To Kelly there was no visible or viable option to her constant turmoils. When I was uneasy over her taking the child to Trixie, or if I was not online, or she blamed me over the emails, she was simply unable to consider questions about who might find our communications awkward. If someone took pains to block emails, then there was either a cult or something going increasingly wrong inside her. When Kelly was thinking more clearly, she would agree she was not mentally sick, as everyone around her including Trixie kept saying she was. If she were indeed mentally sick, as sometimes she was persuaded, she felt compelled to go to hospital. A couple of times only did she she listen to me that she didn't have to rush off there.

For 3 months I spent time online with Kelly, as she came back from where she was hiding, psychologically, to protect her children. I was around before and after her therapy sessions, and eventually Kelly seemed to see daylight. Various alters vied for my attention but I stuck with Kelly, young Daisy whose head had been turned again, and Nolly or Informant who provided background. Circumstances went from appalling to so dire that the Kelly I knew seemed damaged beyond repair, in league with the evil like the others. It was like an open pathway where she did not lift a finger of resistance. I knew I could not stick around if Trixie saw Kelly's children, though I would stay in touch over Kelly's writing and personal insights, because something seemed to be working there.

This seemed in jeopardy as Kelly also claimed she sent emails to me that got returned, yet there was no sign of them in the Sent box, nor any mailer-daemon messages. She did not (I think) usually tell lies like this, though she must have been feeling cut off and panicky. Someone inside was engineering trouble, or Kelly was going for a bust-up rather than fearing I would abandon her. Lala said that was worse to bear than physical pain and abuse.

Anything I wrote to Lala could be edited or twisted and presented to Kelly as fact. Looking at those exchanges in sequence, it seems like a legal argument with allegations from their side of trickery, and my defence and implication of lies on theirs. I kept back some comments that came to mind but the damage was done and things were flaring up nastily. Kelly would be devastated and feeling guilty for misleading me.

What kind of deal would the cult stick to over Kelly and her children when it came down to cult decrees? No contest, done deal, done and dusted. Kelly suffered it all, believing it was insurance to protect her children, like paying protection money in an area designated by Mafia. Like Mafia, whose reality was ignored for many years, intelligent informed people still deny cultic existence. This thing is what then? Engineered by? For the purposes of?

I keep six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who.
I send them over land and sea,
I send them east and west;
But after they have worked for me,
I give them all a rest.

I let them rest from nine till five,
For I am busy then,
As well as breakfast, lunch, and tea,
For they are hungry men.
But different folk have different views;
I know a person small
She keeps ten million serving-men,
Who get no rest at all!
She sends em abroad on her own affairs,
From the second she opens her eyes
One million Hows, Two million Wheres,
And seven million Whys!

Rudyard Kipling

No wonder Kelly pleaded for my help though being consciously unaware of so much. She would be unable to make changes that might put her children at greater risk. What realistically could she do? I tried to help her put things together while others did their utmost to ensure that she and others like her, the producers and carers of children, could not break the shackles or be believed. How would cults like this continue if people remembered and told someone? - They'd have to be stopped from telling one way or another, wouldn't they?

Those like me who hear things would need to be discouraged, denigrated or hassled, as has happened to other therapists and helpers. If I were to get hassled, do you think I might conceivably perhaps consider considering some options? There's nothing to stop me dreaming or pondering after all. Any person with a website for instance, unable to handle technical issues themselves, could happenstance get another person to add in some links, maybe from a few images might be neat, with a bit of background on lil' ol' Hicktown and its inhabitants. People wouldn't believe it? - That would depend on the presentation and technicality.

If the principles of how 'they' work are described, anyone adding to information or joining some more dots, might just possibly be likely to make the picture clearer, don't you think? I'm glad you agree. It is really nice to be neighbourly, to learn more about different people and understand their ways. There's nowt so evil as some folks. This could be happening in places nearer you. How neighbourly can you get? It takes all sorts to make a world, and it wouldn't do for us all to be the same.

Maybe some people or entities live in a different world, where ethics are topsy-turvy and goodness is inside-out.

Like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. But Alice woke up.

To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die, to sleep,
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to: 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream – ay, there's the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause – there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment,
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.

William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Some Cult Aspects

Recently Kelly did not describe cult activity much, and did not speak as graphically as many other survivors of ritualistic cult activities. She didn't play the name game and did not know their names. In a recent lucid exchange she mentioned that babies and kittens killed by the cult had no chance to learn about life. 'What about them Lucy?' she asked. If you have not read about some of the current dynamics in Kelly's scenario, a summary appears in Factor This.

There is undisclosed material which links to participants' personal lives, and also between key issues. This is not meant to be mysterious - it reminds me at least of some areas. Things had now blown up at a time when Kelly faced issues with far-reaching consequences, and I had not thought she could survive this far. I had been reality-testing while putting other things on hold. Kelly & company thought it was OK for me to be online 2-3 hours on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and till the early hours on weekdays. They were unwilling to consider the existence of others inside or outside with a different agenda, and refused to engage in internal dialogue. Their system of evasion whenever I felt something was possible, was all-encompassing and broadband.

When I said 'It's OK to ask for my help, but there is only so much another person can do' there was an immediate reaction of 'So you're leaving us. Better to say now'. It could arise from nowhere. A day later Kelly would be back apologising, with a request headed 'important' but no detail. My guess is that someone behind all this thought I would stay forever hooked by their dangles, even though they desired me to clear off or 'go fly'.

Kelly tended to get into any cul-de-sac or double-bind going, and there were a fair number. Even if it seemed possible to steer clear of one she would find herself in another, seemingly seeking impasse. In this way her conflicts were not her fault, and she could innocently plead for help. We humans are a bit like that! Looking at what Kelly had to contend with it was a pretty logical ploy. Often there would be a truly drastic state of affairs that had built up over months. I was aware of some of the circumstances and people around Kelly and others, and I believe that if we crack part of those, the rest can and will follow.

We can get word out to stop this happening to others or to ourselves, while experts beg or don't beg to differ. I have great faith in the perspicacity of ordinary people, with enquiring fair minds and no axe to grind. You may not believe everything Kelly said, and she could give a ready excuse through having her skills honed by survival. You may not agree with all of my reasoning either. That is fine so long as we are not throwing out babies with bathwater, spitting in the wind, or spiting our faces with cut-off noses. How to smell the roses then?

In the earlier days of interacting with Kelly, I got emails from Marta which were insulting, making my involvement personal alongside the principles. Now there was increased harassment when Kelly missed a therapy or cult night. No alter answered me over the likely connections. Nolly the interpreter denied the cult was current, pleading the awfulness of rape and hurt, saying if I did not help they would have a life of rape and torture. They already did. She was sometimes polite, but tried to involve me for ever-and-a-day saying 'It's not like a life sentence, nobody is twisting your arm'. She used to parrot things that Marta whispered to Kelly, and there might be an element now of Nolly picking up cult propaganda or denial. I realised that my questions to Nolly and Informant were too complex, not allowing for their stance on a particular day. I was trying to get them to see, before it was too late, the unwisdom of seeing Trixie, plus her likely role for the cult or for Marta. Sometimes they wanted Kelly to keep seeing Trixie for some basic skills in living, like setting her straight.

The current tenor of lies and emails sounded much like Marta. It is 'their' way of fighting learned longterm, and it is dirty. My guess is that Kelly was mostly genuine, and she suffered greatly. At other times she was more of a designated front-person for who or what lay behind, and about which she was mainly kept clueless. I felt she bore some responsibility for being so much in denial, though she had natural and enforced reasons.

What I could not fathom was why I was kept in the situation after someone in the cult realised my awareness. I think they hedged their bets, and Marta even involved me in some high dramas. When Kelly stood up to Marta she was left alone for a while, which surely took restraint on Marta's part. 'They' know they have various means and opportunities to get people like Kelly back in the fold, whether or not they realise they are. That really is some smart Trick - better than any Zombies film for sure.

More Yarn-spinning

In a couple of places I mentioned that nothing has been included here for dramatic effect. Who needs to? Events and my thoughts for what those are worth, appear in sequence except that the beginning started in the middle. Writing up mainly as things happened helped to marshall my thoughts ready for the next onslaught. Later exchanges on Kelly's circumstances or perhaps on Hicktown too, are mentioned on this page and not inserted into earlier writing, although a link may be inserted in some places. Time will tell if they belong there. If there is a connection it may help others to recognise it in their local version of ol' Hicktown.

There were far fewer emails with Kelly's normal route blocked. Daisy the 5-year old alter sent drawings for 'her Book' that Trixie was enticing her to write. Daisy implied that Trixie or I must help her with it, so which it would be? I replied that it was not a good idea to play people off against each other, receiving an 'innocent' denial. Daisy then took issue with Trixie, threatening her and storming out of a session. Somehow people in the system kept going back for appointments.

Kelly was deeply upset at the suicides of two young men, one in Hicktown's notorious suicide spot. Both were known to Kelly directly or indirectly through being on the same circuit as her family. I mention them in this, not wishing to make inferences or cause extra burden for their families, but in case people might assume that cults or social pressures only affect vulnerable women. These men were under pressure to perform in their jobs. We cannot generalise or assume a cult connection. We cannot deny any possibility of some link.

Kelly was drawn back into the psychiatric mould by doing things mothers normally do like showing concern, fearing she did the wrong things because people said she did - damned if she did and damned if she didn't. The psychiatrist said Kelly was in control if she wished it, and that Daisy was maladaptive behaviour. I stayed out of that philosophical argument this time. Strangely, Trixie attended that appointment and seemed in agreement. Why did Trixie then draw Daisy back in with promises and gifts, one a toy identical to one I'd bought when Daisy was the only persona holding the fort. Trixie was copying me again, I think with different motivation but you be the judge.

Kelly said nothing and the only information came in via Nolly, Translator or Informant. Someone else began explaining things, being as quick as others to say 'So you're not going to write any more' at the drop of a hat. I was being told things I felt strongly against over Kelly's plans to take revenge, which never was any part of our negotiation. I seemed to have lost touch with Kelly, and she seemed to have lost touch with herself.

Kelly retired to bed for the most part, saying little about it coming up to Halloween, returning to the computer bleakly afterwards. Meanwhile there was an incident over the email account I'd set up for Kelly's writing. Someone had changed the password and, thinking Kelly was protecting her writing from someone, I changed it again and transferred her work out. Next day someone was trying to get the new password and I thought Yahoo would ban us both! I should have been the only one able to change it, holding the confirmatory email account Kelly knew nothing of, nor did she know the secret questions I wondered if someone would soon be changing my private passwords. Be warned.

The new persona demanded that their writing be reinstated, and Kelly wrote disjointedly that someone stole her writing. I pasted it all into several long emails from where I was sorting some of it, and Kelly thanked me. Some trust existed despite everything else, but it was strange being accused of stealing the writing (I explained I had a copy meeting sarcasm that of course I did), and that they said I was conducting some psychological experiment in social control, designed to end in Kelly's death.

For the last part of the Kelly saga go to More Questions than Answers below.

Readers of A Singular Mean-ing will see that is the sort of thing that I thought was happening around her, which I was trying so hard to fathom and obviate. Perhaps time will tell over this, if over nothing else in the whole saga. During this episode however, it was made clear by Kelly and the new persona that I should indeed publish their story because it could help others.

It may not be as specific as the things happening around them, but rather along the lines of:

What does anyone do when the chips fall perilously all around?

See Measures and Countermeasures and the links below.

If You are in Trouble

At times Kelly seemed to be suffering from psychic attack or negative prayer. If you get involved in a case like this you may meet it too. There is a page of Measures and Countermeasures that may help you to get through that, or through any other bad time, until you find remedies for yourself. Also see the links appearing just below. Make use of what you can and what feels right for you.

Information on Cults and Psychic Self-Defence

People need to use their personal circumstances and discretion, their beliefs or disinclinations. Waters have become so muddied that opinion settles one way or another, for or against this approach or that, leaving people with no personal options. We have to find some!

The following are suggestions that have been made. You are free to make up your own mind. Please also find out all you can, on your own behalf or for someone you know. It works better that way, and because you're worth it!


Articles www.reachouttrust.org/articlesRelatedIssues.php


Anti-Human Trafficking www2.salvationarmy.org.uk/uki/www_uki.nsf/vw-sublinks/025D829BF4D3A2DF8025744A003FF0B7?openDocument


Aims to pro-actively educate about the dangers of destructive cults, in order to reduce the risk of people becoming involved in abusive and totalitarian groups.









More Questions than Answers

Kelly would write for a while and drop off contact for a while. Sometimes I'd hardly dare say anything for fear of her suddenly dashing to hospital in panic. When things calmed a little I asked what I said to upset her, and got the response 'What makes you think it had anything to do with you?'

I did think it because of how it happened, and when there was an element of her wanting a longterm guarantee from me. Later pauses were as if Kelly was boycotting me, something people do when things are hard, or they are fed up with me, I don't fall in with their ideas, something gets misinterpreted, or they don't want me to know something. Sometimes they are back after trying other avenues, there's a critical event, or partly as here, when people discouraging the contact lose their hold over the person.

There are things I still prefer not to write about Kelly and her situation. The account could have focused differently and made more sense, but this is as close as it gets. Readers may think I miss the point, or emphasis changes as the yarn unravels. It is how it did unravel. I don't want to over-rationalise someone else's life and crises, and have deliberately not looked back over earlier writing here. Sometimes I did get the drift and sometimes did not.

Someone claiming to be close to Kelly asked me to send her writing. I'd had in mind to edit Kelly's writing and cross-reference with this piece where possible, requiring a great deal of work but making for greater interest. Half of it had disappeared from the email account we shared. Something made me suspicious and I wrote Kelly I was unlikely to send her stuff to anyone. I learned she had indeed asked them to contact me for it, but I'd had a strange feeling it was Kelly pretending to be the other person, though realise I was wrong.

Sad to say, Kelly returned to her close friendship with my old adversary Marta, with such a strong influence on her life but who seemed to care in her own way. Kelly's friend Phil still cared to the point of near suffocation. Kelly said Phil would never leave her: She would be the one deciding when to end the financial and personal arrangement where Phil kept paying the bills. Trixie, the fruitloop therapist, pursued Kelly and Phil with a veritable obsession for more fruitloop, an exercise fit to make my straight hair frizzle and die.

I learned that young Daisy was no longer wanted by Trixie who had used her in therapy as a quick fix to control Kelly. Now Trixie threatened to stop the therapy if . . . whatever. Daisy retaliated with behaviour that should have got them all banned forthwith, but no. Kelly lost any bearings that just about remained. Perhaps she sought powerful, bossy people, to give her life a structure or absolve her of responsibility. After sending me details of one such person with a clear mind and mission, I encouraged Kelly to appreciate aspects of their correspondence, but not to look to this person for answers. It seemed as though Kelly wanted me to fend off attention from this new person, plus 3 strong others now in her life. In our early days it was simply Marta and a few amateur hangers-on.

Kelly got in touch with me after a 3-month break, pleading for me to listen even minimally (I wondered if someone put her up to it). I said I had not much time, explaining that we already had several years trying over two long attempts, and she did not get my commitment for a third. (Kelly herself had told someone in no uncertain terms that 'it had not worked.') OK, she now agreed. I had to get firm when emails arrived at the rate of one per minute. Whatever I tried to explain produced protestations: she did not know what I was talking about, she had not done that, had no idea about something, and was asking me how they happened. There'd be a flash of insight, vanishing whence it came or just off anywhere. She flattered, manipulated like nothing I ever saw. Was this how she got a hold on people, whereas it always seemed they had a hold on her? How did she manage it all in ol' Hicktown without anyone banging up against each other? Or did they - were there different factions here, in a way like the Mafia have working territories? Although I write as though Hicktown is small, who ever said it was!

She said (I did not mention it) that people told her she manipulated, and she really wanted to learn how not to do that. She said she would not bring events on herself for attention-seeking because it was too hard, and she was not making them up. Mostly she was unaware of things that clearly did happen. I told Kelly that people are not responsible for things that other people force them to do, and then get them to forget. I said people within her system and outside of it were keeping things from her or not being honest.

We agreed that it was best if people tried to be honest with themselves about their reasons. My view was that Kelly lost a lot of awareness of Self, and also the World outside, when subjected to loud noise playing from inside or outside her home, in punishment or as a method of control, or both. The jury is out whether that torment was imposed due to her absence from therapy. Deliberate or not, direct consequence or not, attending that therapy surely had the effect of control. I'd go so far as to say someone smart/nasty picked out people with special talents or weakness, with the purpose of making those more extreme. Not what I call good therapy, do you? More like some terrible experiment or sick joke that I would rather not be writing about.

Kelly could/should have been helped to become the independent young mother that she used to be, one who helped those less fortunate or able, and at some risk to herself. That was a reason I respected her and tried to help, apart from my abhorrence of abuse of any kind, and of bad or inept therapy. Kelly and parts of her system claimed there were other local women in a similar situation to hers, being conditioned to feel worthless or helpless, and forced to comply with needs of a larger or more powerful group mediated by certain therapists.

When things got too much for some of the women, they committed suicide in isolated places. Kelly and I wanted to help women like this before that happened - in Hicktown - or anywhere with a similar problem. Some places were very handy for cult gatherings and high drama, as the moon rose over a clearing in the dense woodland.

Yup, more ol' Hicktown Speck-yer-layshun

The picture we get through Western films is of some town or other, reached by dusty highroad or plain, over the hills or along a valley, policed by a sheriff or guys with guns. There's guys who run the gambling, and dames who run the whorehouse. All good clean, albeit lethal fun. Hard drinkin', hard playin', hard womanisin'. What if it is not so far off the mark for this Hicktown?

There is stuff I was made aware of that I cannot write specifically, but the Hicktown set-up accommodated those who had and who took, from those who had not; who brutalised those who could not fight or do anything back. A few dames ran with the men, arranging for people like Kelly to be virtual whores with little awareness - and hence no rights. No good clean fun about that, in fact nothing good at all. If they had been looked after and treated more like hostesses, I would not have the same problem with it.

I would not have the same problem if I did not think that some of the dames were state-sanctioned therapists, with an official brief to help the emotional or otherwise impoverished. Yes mesdames, you know who you are. That would be like pimping on the NHS. We may say harsh things about our NHS and all that, but we don't even approach this. Unless of course you know different ... ... ... and no conspiracy theorists please.

Note from the authors of this site -
We will neither confirm nor deny any speculation or comments regarding the whereabouts of this Hicktown, or possible identities of anyone thought to be involved in any activities mentioned in these pages.

Maturation or Saturation

At one point I thought I was too strong in my attempts to get some things across to Kelly. I did not know how much time we had for this, so I pushed things a bit. But Kelly considered and answered my points one by one. I commented that she had matured, but she felt it was more that she'd given up on things. Next time she wrote she claimed she did not understand at all, and round it went. I was not willing to keep on like this, and stopped replying that day rather than get exasperated with her. Here is why I am glad about that:

Next came an email from a little-known alter, explaining some problems there. No-one, and I mean no-one, can be expected to cope with what Kelly was facing, on top of what I already knew. No-one can sit in judgement on someone else for they cannot know another's real circumstance plus their internal reality. What might knock me for six could be funny to you, or register no more than flicking a fly or taking a tumble. There is a saying that the last straw breaks the camel's back. What if someone dumps a truck-load of manure on the poor beast?

People told me that Kelly had ultimate protection. Let's hope so, and that the attempts of some people to latch onto that - effectively destroying her in the process - did not work, unless that was her chosen destiny.

Kelly had told me about her beliefs on whether people had souls, and how far anyone should act within the context of someone else's destiny. I was not sure how far she took those beliefs, and now seemed a good time to ask. She tried to explain then left it, returning once more before disappearing off-screen to face yet one more challenge.

No-one can answer some questions for you in your life, nor should they try to deter you from what you feel is appropriate.

Don't Sweep it all under the Carpet

While I am no advocate of talking things though ad nauseam, neither do I think it a good idea to ignore things that need addressing. If these pages don't apply to your life, all well and good.

Perhaps one day you will hear things about someone else, and be more willing to wonder and less willing to judge.

I do not know. What I do think is that these issues are important. I also think it important to keep an eye on the ball to ensure that people who did not have things happen in this way, are not unnecessarily encouraged to think or behave as though they did, because that is yet another kind of hell on earth, and we have enough of those.

Quotation from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 'The Disappearance of Lady Frances Carfax'

'I refuse to be rewarded for fostering a tragedy'

To Help Others

If you would like to do something to help others, because of what you have read in these pages, Kelly's wish was that any monies should go to charities or organisations helping children generally, or people who have been abused. Thank you.