X-Factor

That's Some Big Wheel

Kelly wrote sections for 'her Book' showing some connections I had not made. I sorted out subject areas before there was too much, without mentioning it to her yet. Some days anything or nothing produced panic in Kelly, and a feeling she must go to hospital. I grew wary. Kelly said I imagined that I was the cause of things. A new alter Lala said I was making Kelly stronger and should go away. I replied I first needed answers to what lay behind this. That registered, before someone dashed off for a therapy session that Kelly had just emphasised she would not attend.

Kelly herself failed to attend several sessions, while the cult kept calling and punishing. Kelly thought that this part of things was just imagination, while raising concern at her cuts and bruises. But Daisy saw Trixie, excited at being wooed there with crayons and sweets, not just sandplay any more. Trixie's eyes boggled as Daisy described what Kelly was saying and writing.

A long email exchange wheeled in a huge circle with Kelly playing everyone off against each other, whining she could do nothing but stay on the computer with me, the only person still in touch, and even I only listened to Daisy. I grew more wary. When 2 days later Kelly said she had taken one of her children to see Trixie, I reacted firmly that I could not get involved, and did not accept her pleas of 'What else could I do?' over a youngster spat like ones she used to manage.

Kelly told me that partner Phil had ended the relationship and financial support. I wrote to sympathise as there were family burdens too. I've not known anyone lumbered with so many chores and blamed for so much. Cinder-Kelly indeed. Informant said an appointment was now fixed for Kelly and Phil to see Trixie. In the past I pushed away personal stuff between Kelly and Phil, and had also said I could not get involved in Kelly's family which looked set on a collision course. I was uneasy about censoring a major part of our communications, although Kelly had agreed over the inadvisability of her child seeing Trixie. I said it was OK for Kelly to see her as an adult if she wanted, but her child was a minor and could not make that decision. She said if it arose again she would seek advice via a person she knew and trusted.

Someone else was censoring too, with Kelly's responses tailing off as her emails bounced back at her looking as though blocked by me: An alter, or someone jamming from a vehicle outside? An additional motivation from somewhere seemed to want to flush me out. There had been another day of Kelly asking inane personal questions to string me along. Something was going very wrong and I could not blame her. I had become curious about panic trips to hospital following requests made through others in the system, from which Kelly sensed a boundary. Kelly herself was perhaps instigating a kind of meltdown or showdown, thinking they would be easier to bear than my giving up on her.

Kelly wrote from a different email box that I had arranged for her writing. She was panicking at bouncing emails and the fewer responses from me, as if she blamed me for blocking her. At least she had the sense to check. I explained we had this trouble in the days of Marta, when I opened a new email box every week as each address was successively blocked at their end. It seemed whichever alter wrote now, I was not responding in kind as they hoped.

Lala accused me of pulling a neat trick by blocking their emails, and claimed a number were sent but I had failed to respond. She claimed 5 out of 7 from them were not getting through. But I had been checking the writing email box, and there was nothing apart from those I'd seen and answered. I suggested they re-send from the Sent box, that I'd been checking and they had not appeared there.

Now that Trixie and/or the cult knew Kelly was telling me things, it could be a risk for her or the children. A situation had come about or been induced, where Trixie was called in over one child who was just of an age for the cult and of interest to them. Trixie was called the same week over Phil and Kelly. Kelly's attempts to seek moral support over difficult issues were being blocked, even though I could not do much and might not always agree. If these people were doing half these things, what was the danger to Kelly in real terms, or for the child she took such pains to protect? Maybe the cult thought Phil's role was over. I had recently asked Daisy's interpreter about Phil's possible collusion with Trixie, and again got no reply.

Kelly was in a spin and could not see anything other than trying to avoid the unavoidable. In her panics she got involved with people who needed someone highly manipulable. That was part of her draw, her power. When she thought clearly she surpassed anything I am capable of, but otherwise she froze like a rabbit in headlights. Or else she short-circuited as a result of years of conditioning: call the cops, go to hospital, rush to see Marta or Trixie, leave the house because of a smell of smoke. She used to grasp what I was saying, and was able to expand on strategies as though born to it. We both knew her capacities were diminished and I could not see how she kept going.

It was apparent from Kelly's writing that she always knew of cult dangers for her children, leaving town with them when they were tiny, although she was now not properly aware of why. She used to discuss the cult openly in relation to Marta, but not for the last few months. It was as if it none of it ever happened. She seemed oblivious to the cult in relation to her children who were growing older, and I felt this was potentially a very serious problem. In flashes of insight Kelly knew Trixie equalled Marta equalled cult, and that I was not the person playing games.

To Kelly there was no visible or viable option to her constant turmoils. When I was uneasy over her taking the child to Trixie, or if I was not online, or she blamed me over the emails, she was simply unable to consider questions about who might find our communications awkward. If someone took pains to block emails, then there was either a cult or something going increasingly wrong inside her. When Kelly was thinking more clearly, she would agree she was not mentally sick, as everyone around her including Trixie kept saying she was. If she were indeed mentally sick, as sometimes she was persuaded, she felt compelled to go to hospital. A couple of times only did she she listen to me that she didn't have to rush off there.

For 3 months I spent time online with Kelly, as she came back from where she was hiding, psychologically, to protect her children. I was around before and after her therapy sessions, and eventually Kelly seemed to see daylight. Various alters vied for my attention but I stuck with Kelly, young Daisy whose head had been turned again, and Nolly or Informant who provided background. Circumstances went from appalling to so dire that the Kelly I knew seemed damaged beyond repair, in league with the evil like the others. It was like an open pathway where she did not lift a finger of resistance. I knew I could not stick around if Trixie saw Kelly's children, though I would stay in touch over Kelly's writing and personal insights, because something seemed to be working there.

This seemed in jeopardy as Kelly also claimed she sent emails to me that got returned, yet there was no sign of them in the Sent box, nor any mailer-daemon messages. She did not (I think) usually tell lies like this, though she must have been feeling cut off and panicky. Someone inside was engineering trouble, or Kelly was going for a bust-up rather than fearing I would abandon her. Lala said that was worse to bear than physical pain and abuse.

Anything I wrote to Lala could be edited or twisted and presented to Kelly as fact. Looking at those exchanges in sequence, it seems like a legal argument with allegations from their side of trickery, and my defence and implication of lies on theirs. I kept back some comments that came to mind but the damage was done and things were flaring up nastily. Kelly would be devastated and feeling guilty for misleading me.

What kind of deal would the cult stick to over Kelly and her children when it came down to cult decrees? No contest, done deal, done and dusted. Kelly suffered it all, believing it was insurance to protect her children, like paying protection money in an area designated by Mafia. Like Mafia, whose reality was ignored for many years, intelligent informed people still deny cultic existence. This thing is what then? Engineered by? For the purposes of?

I keep six honest serving-men

(They taught me all I knew);

Their names are What and Why and When

And How and Where and Who.

I send them over land and sea,

I send them east and west;

But after they have worked for me,

I give them all a rest.

I let them rest from nine till five,

For I am busy then,

As well as breakfast, lunch, and tea,

For they are hungry men.

But different folk have different views;

I know a person small

She keeps ten million serving-men,

Who get no rest at all!

She sends em abroad on her own affairs,

From the second she opens her eyes

One million Hows, Two million Wheres,

And seven million Whys!

Rudyard Kipling

No wonder Kelly pleaded for my help though being consciously unaware of so much. She would be unable to make changes that might put her children at greater risk. What realistically could she do? I tried to help her put things together while others did their utmost to ensure that she and others like her, the producers and carers of children, could not break the shackles or be believed. How would cults like this continue if people remembered and told someone? - They'd have to be stopped from telling one way or another, wouldn't they?

Those like me who hear things would need to be discouraged, denigrated or hassled, as has happened to other therapists and helpers. If I were to get hassled, do you think I might conceivably perhaps consider considering some options? There's nothing to stop me dreaming or pondering after all. Any person with a website for instance, unable to handle technical issues themselves, could happenstance get another person to add in some links, maybe from a few images might be neat, with a bit of background on lil' ol' Hicktown and its inhabitants. People wouldn't believe it? - That would depend on the presentation and technicality.

If the principles of how 'they' work are described, anyone adding to information or joining some more dots, might just possibly be likely to make the picture clearer, don't you think? I'm glad you agree. It is really nice to be neighbourly, to learn more about different people and understand their ways. There's nowt so evil as some folks. This could be happening in places nearer you. How neighbourly can you get? It takes all sorts to make a world, and it wouldn't do for us all to be the same.

Maybe some people or entities live in a different world, where ethics are topsy-turvy and goodness is inside-out.

Like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. But Alice woke up.

To be, or not to be, that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them? To die, to sleep,

No more; and by a sleep to say we end

The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks

That flesh is heir to: 'tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep;

To sleep, perchance to dream – ay, there's the rub:

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,

When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,

Must give us pause – there's the respect

That makes calamity of so long life.

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,

The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,

The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,

The insolence of office, and the spurns

That patient merit of the unworthy takes,

When he himself might his quietus make

With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,

To grunt and sweat under a weary life,

But that the dread of something after death,

The undiscovered country from whose bourn

No traveller returns, puzzles the will,

And makes us rather bear those ills we have

Than fly to others that we know not of?

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,

And thus the native hue of resolution

Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,

And enterprises of great pith and moment,

With this regard their currents turn awry,

And lose the name of action.

William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Some Cult Aspects

Recently Kelly did not describe cult activity much, and did not speak as graphically as many other survivors of ritualistic cult activities. She didn't play the name game and did not know their names. In a recent lucid exchange she mentioned that babies and kittens killed by the cult had no chance to learn about life. 'What about them Lucy?' she asked. If you have not read about some of the current dynamics in Kelly's scenario, a summary appears in Factor This.

There is undisclosed material which links to participants' personal lives, and also between key issues. This is not meant to be mysterious - it reminds me at least of some areas. Things had now blown up at a time when Kelly faced issues with far-reaching consequences, and I had not thought she could survive this far. I had been reality-testing while putting other things on hold. Kelly & company thought it was OK for me to be online 2-3 hours on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and till the early hours on weekdays. They were unwilling to consider the existence of others inside or outside with a different agenda, and refused to engage in internal dialogue. Their system of evasion whenever I felt something was possible, was all-encompassing and broadband.

When I said 'It's OK to ask for my help, but there is only so much another person can do' there was an immediate reaction of 'So you're leaving us. Better to say now'. It could arise from nowhere. A day later Kelly would be back apologising, with a request headed 'important' but no detail. My guess is that someone behind all this thought I would stay forever hooked by their dangles, even though they desired me to clear off or 'go fly'.

Kelly tended to get into any cul-de-sac or double-bind going, and there were a fair number. Even if it seemed possible to steer clear of one she would find herself in another, seemingly seeking impasse. In this way her conflicts were not her fault, and she could innocently plead for help. We humans are a bit like that! Looking at what Kelly had to contend with it was a pretty logical ploy. Often there would be a truly drastic state of affairs that had built up over months. I was aware of some of the circumstances and people around Kelly and others, and I believe that if we crack part of those, the rest can and will follow.

We can get word out to stop this happening to others or to ourselves, while experts beg or don't beg to differ. I have great faith in the perspicacity of ordinary people, with enquiring fair minds and no axe to grind. You may not believe everything Kelly said, and she could give a ready excuse through having her skills honed by survival. You may not agree with all of my reasoning either. That is fine so long as we are not throwing out babies with bathwater, spitting in the wind, or spiting our faces with cut-off noses. How to smell the roses then?

In the earlier days of interacting with Kelly, I got emails from Marta which were insulting, making my involvement personal alongside the principles. Now there was increased harassment when Kelly missed a therapy or cult night. No alter answered me over the likely connections. Nolly the interpreter denied the cult was current, pleading the awfulness of rape and hurt, saying if I did not help they would have a life of rape and torture. They already did. She was sometimes polite, but tried to involve me for ever-and-a-day saying 'It's not like a life sentence, nobody is twisting your arm'. She used to parrot things that Marta whispered to Kelly, and there might be an element now of Nolly picking up cult propaganda or denial. I realised that my questions to Nolly and Informant were too complex, not allowing for their stance on a particular day. I was trying to get them to see, before it was too late, the unwisdom of seeing Trixie, plus her likely role for the cult or for Marta. Sometimes they wanted Kelly to keep seeing Trixie for some basic skills in living, like setting her straight.

The current tenor of lies and emails sounded much like Marta. It is 'their' way of fighting learned longterm, and it is dirty. My guess is that Kelly was mostly genuine, and she suffered greatly. At other times she was more of a designated front-person for who or what lay behind, and about which she was mainly kept clueless. I felt she bore some responsibility for being so much in denial, though she had natural and enforced reasons.

What I could not fathom was why I was kept in the situation after someone in the cult realised my awareness. I think they hedged their bets, and Marta even involved me in some high dramas. When Kelly stood up to Marta she was left alone for a while, which surely took restraint on Marta's part. 'They' know they have various means and opportunities to get people like Kelly back in the fold, whether or not they realise they are. That really is some smart Trick - better than any Zombies film for sure.

More Yarn-spinning

In a couple of places I mentioned that nothing has been included here for dramatic effect. Who needs to? Events and my thoughts for what those are worth, appear in sequence except that the beginning started in the middle. Writing up mainly as things happened helped to marshall my thoughts ready for the next onslaught. Later exchanges on Kelly's circumstances or perhaps on Hicktown too, are mentioned on this page and not inserted into earlier writing, although a link may be inserted in some places. Time will tell if they belong there. If there is a connection it may help others to recognise it in their local version of ol' Hicktown.

There were far fewer emails with Kelly's normal route blocked. Daisy the 5-year old alter sent drawings for 'her Book' that Trixie was enticing her to write. Daisy implied that Trixie or I must help her with it, so which it would be? I replied that it was not a good idea to play people off against each other, receiving an 'innocent' denial. Daisy then took issue with Trixie, threatening her and storming out of a session. Somehow people in the system kept going back for appointments.

Kelly was deeply upset at the suicides of two young men, one in Hicktown's notorious suicide spot. Both were known to Kelly directly or indirectly through being on the same circuit as her family. I mention them in this, not wishing to make inferences or cause extra burden for their families, but in case people might assume that cults or social pressures only affect vulnerable women. These men were under pressure to perform in their jobs. We cannot generalise or assume a cult connection. We cannot deny any possibility of some link.

Kelly was drawn back into the psychiatric mould by doing things mothers normally do like showing concern, fearing she did the wrong things because people said she did - damned if she did and damned if she didn't. The psychiatrist said Kelly was in control if she wished it, and that Daisy was maladaptive behaviour. I stayed out of that philosophical argument this time. Strangely, Trixie attended that appointment and seemed in agreement. Why did Trixie then draw Daisy back in with promises and gifts, one a toy identical to one I'd bought when Daisy was the only persona holding the fort. Trixie was copying me again, I think with different motivation but you be the judge.

Kelly said nothing and the only information came in via Nolly, Translator or Informant. Someone else began explaining things, being as quick as others to say 'So you're not going to write any more' at the drop of a hat. I was being told things I felt strongly against over Kelly's plans to take revenge, which never was any part of our negotiation. I seemed to have lost touch with Kelly, and she seemed to have lost touch with herself.

Kelly retired to bed for the most part, saying little about it coming up to Halloween, returning to the computer bleakly afterwards. Meanwhile there was an incident over the email account I'd set up for Kelly's writing. Someone had changed the password and, thinking Kelly was protecting her writing from someone, I changed it again and transferred her work out. Next day someone was trying to get the new password and I thought Yahoo would ban us both! I should have been the only one able to change it, holding the confirmatory email account Kelly knew nothing of, nor did she know the secret questions I wondered if someone would soon be changing my private passwords. Be warned.

The new persona demanded that their writing be reinstated, and Kelly wrote disjointedly that someone stole her writing. I pasted it all into several long emails from where I was sorting some of it, and Kelly thanked me. Some trust existed despite everything else, but it was strange being accused of stealing the writing (I explained I had a copy meeting sarcasm that of course I did), and that they said I was conducting some psychological experiment in social control, designed to end in Kelly's death.

For the last part of the Kelly saga go to More Questions than Answers below.

Readers of A Singular Mean-ing will see that is the sort of thing that I thought was happening around her, which I was trying so hard to fathom and obviate. Perhaps time will tell over this, if over nothing else in the whole saga. During this episode however, it was made clear by Kelly and the new persona that I should indeed publish their story because it could help others.

It may not be as specific as the things happening around them, but rather along the lines of:

What does anyone do when the chips fall perilously all around?

See Measures and Countermeasures and the links below.

If You are in Trouble

At times Kelly seemed to be suffering from psychic attack or negative prayer. If you get involved in a case like this you may meet it too. There is a page of Measures and Countermeasures that may help you to get through that, or through any other bad time, until you find remedies for yourself. Also see the links appearing just below. Make use of what you can and what feels right for you.

Information on Cults and Psychic Self-Defence

More links at www.scriptal.we.bs/measures.html

People need to use their personal circumstances and discretion, their beliefs or disinclinations. Waters have become so muddied that opinion settles one way or another, for or against this approach or that, leaving people with no personal options. We have to find some!

The following are suggestions that have been made. You are free to make up your own mind. Please also find out all you can, on your own behalf or for someone you know. It works better that way, and because you're worth it!

www.reachouttrust.org

Articles www.reachouttrust.org/articlesRelatedIssues.php

www.salvationarmy.org.uk

Anti-Human Trafficking www2.salvationarmy.org.uk/uki/www_uki.nsf/vw-sublinks/025D829BF4D3A2DF8025744A003FF0B7?openDocument

www.familysurvivaltrust.org/info.php?page=links

www.cultavoidancesociety.org

Aims to pro-actively educate about the dangers of destructive cults, in order to reduce the risk of people becoming involved in abusive and totalitarian groups.

www.dc-international.org

www.dialogcentre.org.uk

www.amazon.co.uk/Psychic-Protection-Handbook-Powerful-Uncertain/dp/0749941650/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314271366&sr=1-1

www.amazon.co.uk/Psychic-Self-Defense-Dion-Fortune/dp/1578631513/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314270395&sr=1-1

www.amazon.co.uk/Witchs-Shield-Protection-Psychic-Self-defense/dp/073870542X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314270664&sr=1-1

www.amazon.co.uk/Practical-Psychic-Self-defense-Understanding-Influences/dp/1571742212/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314270550&sr=1-2

www.amazon.co.uk/Psychic-Protection-Balance-Reprint-Beginnings/dp/1888767308/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314271221&sr=1-1

www.amazon.co.uk/Devil-Walk-True-Story-ebook/dp/B004QGYX8O/ref=sr_1_3?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1314270237&sr=1-3

More Questions than Answers

Kelly would write for a while and drop off contact for a while. Sometimes I'd hardly dare say anything for fear of her suddenly dashing to hospital in panic. When things calmed a little I asked what I said to upset her, and got the response 'What makes you think it had anything to do with you?'

I did think it because of how it happened, and when there was an element of her wanting a longterm guarantee from me. Later pauses were as if Kelly was boycotting me, something people do when things are hard, or they are fed up with me, I don't fall in with their ideas, something gets misinterpreted, or they don't want me to know something. Sometimes they are back after trying other avenues, there's a critical event, or partly as here, when people discouraging the contact lose their hold over the person.

There are things I still prefer not to write about Kelly and her situation. The account could have focused differently and made more sense, but this is as close as it gets. Readers may think I miss the point, or emphasis changes as the yarn unravels. It is how it did unravel. I don't want to over-rationalise someone else's life and crises, and have deliberately not looked back over earlier writing here. Sometimes I did get the drift and sometimes did not.

Someone claiming to be close to Kelly asked me to send her writing. I'd had in mind to edit Kelly's writing and cross-reference with this piece where possible, requiring a great deal of work but making for greater interest. Half of it had disappeared from the email account we shared. Something made me suspicious and I wrote Kelly I was unlikely to send her stuff to anyone. I learned she had indeed asked them to contact me for it, but I'd had a strange feeling it was Kelly pretending to be the other person, though realise I was wrong.

Sad to say, Kelly returned to her close friendship with my old adversary Marta, with such a strong influence on her life but who seemed to care in her own way. Kelly's friend Phil still cared to the point of near suffocation. Kelly said Phil would never leave her: She would be the one deciding when to end the financial and personal arrangement where Phil kept paying the bills. Trixie, the fruitloop therapist, pursued Kelly and Phil with a veritable obsession for more fruitloop, an exercise fit to make my straight hair frizzle and die.

I learned that young Daisy was no longer wanted by Trixie who had used her in therapy as a quick fix to control Kelly. Now Trixie threatened to stop the therapy if . . . whatever. Daisy retaliated with behaviour that should have got them all banned forthwith, but no. Kelly lost any bearings that just about remained. Perhaps she sought powerful, bossy people, to give her life a structure or absolve her of responsibility. After sending me details of one such person with a clear mind and mission, I encouraged Kelly to appreciate aspects of their correspondence, but not to look to this person for answers. It seemed as though Kelly wanted me to fend off attention from this new person, plus 3 strong others now in her life. In our early days it was simply Marta and a few amateur hangers-on.

Kelly got in touch with me after a 3-month break, pleading for me to listen even minimally (I wondered if someone put her up to it). I said I had not much time, explaining that we already had several years trying over two long attempts, and she did not get my commitment for a third. (Kelly herself had told someone in no uncertain terms that 'it had not worked.') OK, she now agreed. I had to get firm when emails arrived at the rate of one per minute. Whatever I tried to explain produced protestations: she did not know what I was talking about, she had not done that, had no idea about something, and was asking me how they happened. There'd be a flash of insight, vanishing whence it came or just off anywhere. She flattered, manipulated like nothing I ever saw. Was this how she got a hold on people, whereas it always seemed they had a hold on her? How did she manage it all in ol' Hicktown without anyone banging up against each other? Or did they - were there different factions here, in a way like the Mafia have working territories? Although I write as though Hicktown is small, who ever said it was!

She said (I did not mention it) that people told her she manipulated, and she really wanted to learn how not to do that. She said she would not bring events on herself for attention-seeking because it was too hard, and she was not making them up. Mostly she was unaware of things that clearly did happen. I told Kelly that people are not responsible for things that other people force them to do, and then get them to forget. I said people within her system and outside of it were keeping things from her or not being honest.

We agreed that it was best if people tried to be honest with themselves about their reasons. My view was that Kelly lost a lot of awareness of Self, and also the World outside, when subjected to loud noise playing from inside or outside her home, in punishment or as a method of control, or both. The jury is out whether that torment was imposed due to her absence from therapy. Deliberate or not, direct consequence or not, attending that therapy surely had the effect of control. I'd go so far as to say someone smart/nasty picked out people with special talents or weakness, with the purpose of making those more extreme. Not what I call good therapy, do you? More like some terrible experiment or sick joke that I would rather not be writing about.

Kelly could/should have been helped to become the independent young mother that she used to be, one who helped those less fortunate or able, and at some risk to herself. That was a reason I respected her and tried to help, apart from my abhorrence of abuse of any kind, and of bad or inept therapy. Kelly and parts of her system claimed there were other local women in a similar situation to hers, being conditioned to feel worthless or helpless, and forced to comply with needs of a larger or more powerful group mediated by certain therapists.

When things got too much for some of the women, they committed suicide in isolated places. Kelly and I wanted to help women like this before that happened - in Hicktown - or anywhere with a similar problem. Some places were very handy for cult gatherings and high drama, as the moon rose over a clearing in the dense woodland.

Yup, more ol' Hicktown Speck-yer-layshun

The picture we get through Western films is of some town or other, reached by dusty highroad or plain, over the hills or along a valley, policed by a sheriff or guys with guns. There's guys who run the gambling, and dames who run the whorehouse. All good clean, albeit lethal fun. Hard drinkin', hard playin', hard womanisin'. What if it is not so far off the mark for this Hicktown?

There is stuff I was made aware of that I cannot write specifically, but the Hicktown set-up accommodated those who had and who took, from those who had not; who brutalised those who could not fight or do anything back. A few dames ran with the men, arranging for people like Kelly to be virtual whores with little awareness - and hence no rights. No good clean fun about that, in fact nothing good at all. If they had been looked after and treated more like hostesses, I would not have the same problem with it.

I would not have the same problem if I did not think that some of the dames were state-sanctioned therapists, with an official brief to help the emotional or otherwise impoverished. Yes mesdames, you know who you are. That would be like pimping on the NHS. We may say harsh things about our NHS and all that, but we don't even approach this. Unless of course you know different ... ... ... and no conspiracy theorists please.

Note from the authors of this site -

We will neither confirm nor deny any speculation or comments regarding the whereabouts of this Hicktown, or possible identities of anyone thought to be involved in any activities mentioned in these pages.

Maturation or Saturation

At one point I thought I was too strong in my attempts to get some things across to Kelly. I did not know how much time we had for this, so I pushed things a bit. But Kelly considered and answered my points one by one. I commented that she had matured, but she felt it was more that she'd given up on things. Next time she wrote she claimed she did not understand at all, and round it went. I was not willing to keep on like this, and stopped replying that day rather than get exasperated with her. Here is why I am glad about that:

Next came an email from a little-known alter, explaining some problems there. No-one, and I mean no-one, can be expected to cope with what Kelly was facing, on top of what I already knew. No-one can sit in judgement on someone else for they cannot know another's real circumstance plus their internal reality. What might knock me for six could be funny to you, or register no more than flicking a fly or taking a tumble. There is a saying that the last straw breaks the camel's back. What if someone dumps a truck-load of manure on the poor beast?

People told me that Kelly had ultimate protection. Let's hope so, and that the attempts of some people to latch onto that - effectively destroying her in the process - did not work, unless that was her chosen destiny.

Kelly had told me about her beliefs on whether people had souls, and how far anyone should act within the context of someone else's destiny. I was not sure how far she took those beliefs, and now seemed a good time to ask. She tried to explain then left it, returning once more before disappearing off-screen to face yet one more challenge.

No-one can answer some questions for you in your life, nor should they try to deter you from what you feel is appropriate.

Don't Sweep it all under the Carpet

While I am no advocate of talking things though ad nauseam, neither do I think it a good idea to ignore things that need addressing. If these pages don't apply to your life, all well and good.

Perhaps one day you will hear things about someone else, and be more willing to wonder and less willing to judge.

I do not know. What I do think is that these issues are important. I also think it important to keep an eye on the ball to ensure that people who did not have things happen in this way, are not unnecessarily encouraged to think or behave as though they did, because that is yet another kind of hell on earth, and we have enough of those.

Quotation from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 'The Disappearance of Lady Frances Carfax'

'I refuse to be rewarded for fostering a tragedy'

To Help Others

If you would like to do something to help others, because of what you have read in these pages, Kelly's wish was that any monies should go to charities or organisations helping children generally, or people who have been abused. Thank you.