A true Yarn for you to read, and believe or not - about Ritual Abuse, Deception and Vulnerability in a Town just about Anywhere. We name it Hicktown.

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Showing posts with label bad therapy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad therapy. Show all posts

Fruitloop Therapy

From here on I refer to Kelly's therapist as Trixie for convenience - it suits her. A list of basic concerns about her manner of work appears on the previous page. Kelly had been seeing her for some years, and she now made less sense to me than she had in worse circumstances. I once asked Nolly the 'interpretor/protector' whether Trixie used hypnosis in the sessions because Kelly was so vague and inconsistent.

'You don't understand DID' she replied. 'Of course Kelly is slipping in and out, that's what happens. You don't need to hypnotise someone for that.' No but it helps with other agendas. Although Trixie spun a yarn about Kelly's parts needing to work together, that was the last thing on the agenda, hence the firewalls. More on this appears at Fruitloop Therapy.

As Kelly poured out ideas for her writing interspersed with other bits and pieces, Commas wrote 'Kelly is nuts, can't you see now?' Commas was hijacking some replies I sent for Kelly, and I discovered she also knew a range of tricks from Trixie. 'Kelly is not nuts' I replied. 'I've known her a long time and she may come back. I don't like to discuss her behind her back, so to speak.'

'Trixie tells me to stop making connections between things' wrote Kelly. 'My friend committed suicide this week, and another tried to. I've known them for years. They both knew Marta. Trixie says I shouldn't connect things like that up. I told Trixie about a woman who is just everywhere I go, and Trixie says . . . '

I sympathised over her friend, thought a while, and sent a reply:

I don't like the things Trixie says to you. That is my problem. Unfortunately you cannot presently see why.

When you feel more up to it, we can discuss it if you want to. I am not going to keep beating my head up against a brick wall trying to make you see. 'Trixie says . . .' is wearing thin with me.

Last night you said she had won because she had isolated you.

You do have some choices, and taking pills won't hack it.'

Well, we are all human, and that is what I was trying to convey to Kelly, who was repeatedly told that normal things were wrong, or they were a sign of some 'illness' that she had to 'get better from'. The wonder was that she was able to function at all.

Does it seem strange to you that three women originally from the same cult area, who knew each other and also Marta, would be strongly suicidal in the very same week? Kelly continued 'I always look at cars and their number plates, so if someone hurts me I can recognise their car later. Trixie says I should not do that. I notice her car too and she gets mad at me.'

Another alter in Kelly's system asked me why Kelly kept running to Trixie when anything happened. 'She knows Trixie hurts us' they said. I replied that it must be difficult for them to say much about this, and there was agreement, but also confirmation over a couple of other things that were puzzling. Many times I thought I could see a link or a likelihood over things, only to find the reality was nothing comparable.

Because of the quantity of emails that night I asked Kelly to slow down. She was growing a bit trance-like, and now I inadvertently used a trigger word. It tipped her over into being hypnotised, something that happened before and she had come out naturally. Normally she knew I would go ten times round the block for her to make up her own mind.

'Now you should say to her . . . . . ' wrote Commas 'And she will come out of it.'

If I could avoid it, I would not use a cult phrase that I did not know the implications of. Commas continued 'You can tell her to go to sleep now, so you can get to bed.' Commas already made attempts to get me to leave that night, as other 'protectors' had tried before. I told her someone must think I was getting too close to something for comfort.

'I'm on your side' she said. I tried a couple more times to get Kelly's attention, wrote that my computer had jammed and I'd be in touch next day. 'That's great, thank you' said Commas. 'Now Trixie can't do anything with Kelly tonight unless she realises she is hypnotised.' Tonight was meant to be a family night, although her family had unexpectedly (to Kelly) not arrived back.

The following week there was nothing from Kelly, but Commas wrote that Kelly was a danger to them all, and I should keep her away from therapy and even from being present in the system. Acting on a sense of unease, I said it was Kelly I knew and I would discuss things with her. 'But you saw all that stuff she wrote that night, she's crazy' said Commas.

'I understood it, so what does that make me? You know the things that happen to Kelly, and you know about the rubbish Trixie feeds her. Commas started to write oddly with gaps in the middle of words. She was upset, not used to being around or getting challenged. What I am now saying is no disrespect for alters that some people have, but Commas seemed more like 'other people's alters' and nothing to do with Kelly. Perhaps she was placed there for some reason rather than developing naturally.

Kelly said she was now isolated from everyone she knew. I wondered if the name of this game was to keep her from contact with me. There had been times when she was forced to say goodbye, and when I refused to say it back, somehow the thread was not broken. 'They' could not go on and do what was planned for her, though that was a mystery to me.

While Kelly was hypnotised or generally out-of-it, others in the system could look after her family. Goodness knows what else they got up to. I was well aware that, despite my respect for Kelly and her integrity, other parts could be capable of anything. A recent exchange with the robot made me wonder. Could be, he was just bragging about having control over Trixie. Could be he had something she needed, or that she did not want to become public knowledge. Commas was emailing me personal stuff about Trixie. Why, and how did she know?

I thought Kelly was becoming a nightmare client for Trixie who might consider pulling out, or ensure that Kelly was unable to cause trouble. When Marta had wanted to break with Kelly someone higher up the chain seemed to tweak on powerful reins, roping them both back in. Kelly now insisted that people were afraid of her including Trixie. I knew Marta had been. What was this? Kelly and another alter noticed that Trixie sometimes seemed phased by Daisy, who could certainly could get stroppy but ...

'Why does Trixie want you broken into little pieces?' I now asked Kelly. 'Marta does' she replied. At times it seemed as if Marta had some notion of actually taking Kelly over, her sensitivity and intuition, her attributes or personal magnetism, whatever it was that drew people.

'You want to know what I think? Probably not, but here it is' I began. 'I think Marta thinks she can take over whatever gifts you have. What good will that do for humanity?'

'None at all' she replied with a glimmer of her former self.

'It's you making me ill not Trixie' came an unexpected email from Kelly. There had been a false sense of calm since she announced there was no therapy because she and Daisy yelled at Trixie. During an unscheduled appointment Trixie learned of my involvement, said I was a fake and that Kelly must stop contacting people. My Inbox filled with emails Kelly was sending to someone who claimed to have solutions for her problems. Kelly was showing a spark of independence, writing her own narrative story for this person to read.

Next day she was shaky, wanting me to get pictures for 'the Book' as she wanted them. I wondered if Trixie was planning Kelly's demise, as it was referred to. On the surface Trixie changed tack overnight, now blaming others for Kelly's problems, her 'illness'. She said Kelly must move far away straight away. I commented that it would need planning and discussing with her close friend and her ex-husband. 'I know' she said. 'I didn't think it could be that easy.' I wondered if moving far away was a euphemism for Kelly's demise or suicide, phrased such that she would know what she was to do, and Trixie could deny any involvement.

'Yes you' came an email from an unknown alter, indicating I was indeed the cause of the problems. I wanted to reply that Trixie should go to jail but settled for 'Oh'. This was all disappointing and I hoped Trixie's control had slipped a notch. Nolly wrote that Daisy had been for an appointment that Kelly didn't know about. 'Do you think Trixie was angling for information from Daisy, or giving her instructions?' I asked. The reply came 'Instructions'.

Was Trixie following her own instructions properly, or batting about in the wind while breaking every boundary and guideline?

Please do not assume that, because you do not do the things outlined here,

or you have not come across them, absolutely no-one else does them

Undermining the Underminers

Family crises in Kelly's life intervened, and there were more days for undermining the Underminers, whoever, wherever, whyever.

No-one has to believe any of this. Not all of these things happen to people involved in ‘satanic’ or other cult ritual activity, and certainly not to many people in therapy. If some of the words, phrases or concepts, or sheer incredibility latch onto your curiosity or onto something meaningful, that is what ‘the Book’ is meant for:

* To de-mystify the otherwise unbelievable

* To show these things can happen

* That they are basically an extension of other aspects of human behaviour, however inhuman, crass, ridiculous, stupid, unnecessary, it may all seem

* It could happen to people close to us

*If we don't listen, we won't hear

Principles which can be used to control others can also be used to undo control

Anyone for Chess?

There was such a performance and so much time being spent in controlling women like Kelly almost daily. Perhaps it was something along the lines of Snakes & Ladders with fixed dice, but so very desperate, life-threatening even. There seemed no fun in it! And if you kill off too many vulnerable oponents, who will you torment? The robot jeered saying I was a bored wannabe at my computer, hanging on by a thread. I would have loved to put this to one side. I knew Kelly and others could not until other people realised how these things occur. Forewarned is forearmed, as the saying goes.

The Carousel was meaningful, each steed on a pole, forced round and round to someone's tune, unable to get off unless something happens. Or someone stops the ride to spoil all the fun: Of those who set it up. OK, I'm a spoiler wannabe.

I don't think people higher up could stop the ride and get off either. Clearly strategic planning went on somewhere, not connected with the frenzy of cult meetings. And someone went round collecting people to attend, generally as it grew dark so time varied, ticking names off a list to ensure that those who defaulted got extra 'therapy', or they paid for their independence some other way.

Fiction? I wish. Probably so did they from both sides of the fence:

Those 'with rank' who were Somebodies, and those 'without rank' who were Nobodies

For certain reasons the so-called Nobodies were much in demand

Perhaps they were needed to facilitate demons or forces of some kind

So they could give information or instructions to the cult higher-ups

Or to give them a sense of power

Somehow forces were playing through Kelly and her alters. Trixie and her kind were doing their very best or worst. I was doing mine. Perhaps it was somehow meant to be, I do not know. It seemed like a game of Chess with the opposing side tearing up the rule book, then chucking out the board.

A Different Path?

I tried to get glimpses of the thinking behind cult ritual abuse and ‘satanism’ as well as other cult-like groups, where these seem to impinge/take over the life of those involved. Choosing a so-called left-hand-path of development as a selfish path is one thing. Causing pain to others, emotional suffering and confusion, ruination, even death, is altogether something else. I looked at sadism and narcissism, Voodoo and anything else, and joined email groups of people proudly calling themselves satanists and joking about their attitudes and practices.

I like to satisfy myself that someone really does have a choice in their decisions and actions. Because, if someone else is calling the shots through bullying, intimidation, violence, seduction, involvement in drug-taking, then something needs doing about it. That is what our basic legal system and human rights are about, the right to freewill and action, at least in theory. We can surely get closer to what is fair, than the situation surrounding Kelly.

People who have trouble controlling themselves and their lives, may seek to control others. If they don’t believe in reincarnation, spirits of ancestors, or the concept of karma, they may be out for anything they can get in this lifetime, robbing people of their worldly goods, or syphoning off their physical time and energies. I hope nothing like this happens to you, but if it does there are books on protecting yourself psychically, in the same way as you put locks on your doors and windows to protect your house. Just because you don’t believe these things happen, that no-one would do them or it wouldn’t work, doesn’t mean that other people don’t do it, putting their very souls into it.

Most of us are similar in that once we were children, not as strong as adults around us, and not aware of options for later life. Perhaps this is one reason why children gang together, or as adults we join things or get drawn in, either with friends or by seeking out people to be with in a pairing relationship or group. There is safety in numbers, no longer small, alone, not listened to, unable to fight back.

Suppose now, a society or subculture which makes it their business in some way to control their children, children of others, weaker members, and thereby gain continuity of their beliefs and practices. There’s nothing unusual about this when it happens naturally via family practices, culture and belief systems, or on a wider scale in a region or country. George Orwell, Aldous Huxley, B.F. Skinner have written about utopias and control of society in a wide sense. Suppose you really think the end of the world is coming, except that certain people only will survive, and you want to ensure your survival over others. Or you think you are stuck with this world and will do your damnedest to maintain position, economically, socially, or in terms of control. Might you opt for a system of social and mental control, creating an underclass of vulnerable people who would be expendable or transferable like a commodity?

Possibilities are endless. You only have to witness stage hypnotism with genuine post-hypnotic suggestion being acted upon by subjects, to see what is possible, not with years of conditioning but just a little, acting on the subconscious of those who are susceptible. Increase the length of time and the indoctrination process, and more of us become susceptible quite easily.

All these things and more, make me suspicious of those detractors who deny that there ever can be any kind of ‘satanic’ or cult ritual abuse. We all like to think we are discerning and can winkle the possible from the impossible, the likely from the unlikely, the appropriate from the inappropriate. I believe use of ‘satanic’ or ‘satanism’ to be a bit of a red herring. There are plenty of satanists who are not involved in cult ritual abuse. Quite why they feel bound to insist that, because they don’t do it, no-one else does, I have no idea. Maybe it’s their idea of an in-joke. I would respect them and their beliefs more if they looked into it properly.

Other writers whom I admire for their critical thinking sometimes dismiss this whole subject in a brief paragraph in an otherwise excellent book. That is on their conscience not mine, but it seems a pity they even mentioned the subject. We can look further than the ends of our noses.

Someone I met by chance took the trouble to explain how she saw choosing a path of evil. She felt it was a spiritual path or choice. If one wishes to change that path or reverse a choice, the spiritual aspect needs taking into consideration, as well as the practices engaged in.

You may choose to read it or not, to believe any of it or not. Many small parts make up a picture. The picture is different for us all. I have been the scribe here because I believe it is important to convey some things I became aware of. I don’t believe I got all of them wrong.

Weird Wednesday

The next day was like the Mad Hatter's Tea Party. Some alters were writing in each others' style, telling me I was replying to the wrong person, yet not saying how to make contact with themselves. I was being fed snippets of information so I asked questions. 'Dah' came the reply from whoever. 'It's dumb for you to believe everything people say.'

It was all dumb to me, and some alters were in the thick of it, aware of crucial dynamics withheld so far and now dangled under my nose. This was another ploy which could take hours to unravel. Dumb for listening, dumb for checking, dumb for trusting anyone at all, dumb for trying to help. Dumb for thinking Kelly was naive. That she wanted to help others caught in the same maelstrom. Time would tell.

It didn't take long. I checked emails but all seemed quiet. Kelly had been distracted and was probably switching alters or busy with family. At the usual night-time hour emails arrived from her: 'There's someone in my driveway staring in. There's knocking at the door. There's never knocking at my door. Help, I'm scared.' Kelly had clearly had a brainwipe so as to have no idea of the risks. I was too late to help evade them this time.

Some people denigrate brainwashing, saying you can't wash a brain so anything anybody says about it is nonsense. As the robot alter would say 'Hahaha'. Let's hope they never have a brainwash or a brainwipe themselves. They wouldn't remember it, any more than Kelly and others like her could. How would people react to someone parked on their own driveway, inducing a fear that they cannot fathom? Someone had recently put considerable hours of work in on Kelly to render her tabula rasa with no means of defending herself. It was probably coming from the same source as the false information that I would be away on vacation and thus unavailable.

When Kelly did recall things she was a problem to those who threatened her, including her therapist who considered she had a handle on everything. Many things she did, but not all. The questions uppermost in my mind were: How could anyone afford to spend 8 hours during one week plus more over the weekend, conditioning Kelly and Daisy, and why? If they were too much trouble, why allow the continued risk they would act up or spill the beans? Could they be providing something the cult desperately needed, and that sometimes they were treated more as part of the in-crowd? Some alters knew more than they generally let on.

Was Kelly a front person, kept genuinely innocent for some reason? Sometimes she quickly grasped what was happening, but recently nothing was sticking long enough to act on. It concerned me that she might be taken away and punished by the cult. They could implant other personae or alters better suited to their requirements - and less trouble for them.

I knew the circumstances in which Kelly came on the scene to help out the host-person Caitlin, and to my way of thinking both had rights. What relevance did my way of thinking have to do with it!

A Dangle to Ponder

Daisy was in a state with something important to tell me. Several times Daisy had asked Trixie to promise something or to do something. On this occasion Trixie made things awkward for Daisy, who was scared that Kelly would get into trouble with her partner whom I call Phil. I did not find out how anyone in Kelly's small DID system could already know that something had gone wrong. I also considered it something-and-nothing, although it could be on the edge of something significant. (It turned out to be part of the game of Snatch, where Trixie would snatch things away, or refused to return items to Kelly or Daisy, see A Singular Mean-ing and more specifically How Some of it is Achieved.)

Phil was not a live-in partner and was mostly absent at weekends when Kelly was now at most risk. It obviously suited the cult and I had wondered about it, but Phil had reasons for being away. It was Phil who paid for Kelly's therapy as well as some household bills. Remember that saying about the person who pays the piper calling the tune?

Phil had been to see Trixie, and I commented to the person translating for Daisy: 'Phil will soon see that there's something seriously wrong with Trixie's boundaries. And what does Phil think about all those extra hours Kelly has in therapy?'

'Phil is in on all of it' came the reply, and nothing more was forthcoming. Another dangle for me to ponder.

Phil could be bossy and Daisy was never easy about it. Kelly opened up occasionally, but for the most part I tried to steer clear. Kelly went into the situation with her eyes open - so I thought. Now questions arose whether she had literally been set up, or if Phil was set up to support the therapy, with instructions to take Kelly to visit triggering places or people. I had been viewing things through eyes unaccustomed to the cult's ways, means and connections.

Phil had a history of befriending lone parents with young children. I do not believe there was an interest in the children sexually on Phil's part, but there was more of a caretaker role undertaken on behalf of the cult for their own reasons. One of Kelly's children could be of interest to the cult, through having some of Kelly's traits that were valued. I have no idea about the adults or children in other families that Phil befriended and paid towards.

This caretaker role could theoretically be undertaken by a male or female. Another feature of Kelly's life had been threats that her children would be taken away unless she consented to something. This was a general threat made to some mothers to get them to comply. Sometimes Kelly's children were taken away and later returned, this not always being carried out through official channels. Things like this seemed to go on in the area, with some people being aware though taking no action over them. Perhaps we should name it Conspiracy City or would that be taking things a deal side too far?

I could not see how or why Phil and Trixie could be colluding over Kelly's therapy of dubious nature. People say that collusion is an unconscious process. There was nothing unconscious about this, if it were as overt as the dangle implied. Kelly suggested a reason for Phil spending a lot of money on the therapy for her, which could have been a convenient cover story. I did not know the reality, and Kelly would not be aware. I'd had hopes of Phil sorting out some of the mess. Several times it crossed my mind that something was wrong, but the collusion scenario in particular had seemed too unlikely. I am not saying there is a definite connection here.

Some people might be cult-connected while not necessarily getting involved in cult rituals or meetings. Some aspects could be like a club: You'd probably know who is in the club, or there is a form of dress or behaviour so you can tell or guess. Other people would be clueless unless they had a reason to suspect. If you were not a Somebody or cult member with rank, or were not cult-connected, you were a Nobody like a cog in a machine or a commodity. Or you would be any ordinary member of the public - I'll opt to be one of those then ...

The point is:

Some people do not have an option. However they had got into the mess that took them towards the cult, there was not a 'However you can get out again' clause. Some do. It is not easy and it may take more than one determined effort or some help. The first step is to recognise the situation.

The question is:

How can someone like Kelly who is surrounded by strong people (apparently in cahoots with one another through whatever drove them cult-wards) explain it to others and get free? Kelly was told that, by insisting there was a local cult it showed she was psychotic. If she did not retract, she would not be allowed home from hospital.

It may help you to know:

It may help you to work out if anything along these lines is wrong in your own life, or that of someone you know. I believe the principles outlined in 'A Singular Yarn' may apply to some other single-parent families in Kelly's situation and/or location. It is in this spirit that the material is presented. There can be other reasons why people get involved in things that they cannot easily get out of, which would be a story for another day!

Hicktown Highjinx


Readers so far will know that the subject matter relates to cult ritual abuse, and various methods of coercion or confusion that may be employed on vulnerable people, who become unable to lead their own lives or plan their future. In Kelly's case, the story began with her being taken from her home - or wherever she was - on days in the week when her children were elsewhere. When they were home Kelly seemed permitted to lead an ostensibly ordinary life. If she managed to get work, it would somehow allow for attendance at cult meetings on afternoons or evenings when required. Kelly had been safe for about two years when it started up again, this time usually at weekends but sometimes on a week night too.

Kelly was naturally inclined to dissociate to some extent, but people around her knew how to use it to their advantage, and apparently implanted some personality alters as a control mechanism and to report back to the cult. But the cult needed something from Kelly and some of her alters. The wonder is that they treated her so badly, but that could have been a part of their sadistic game.

The purpose of this writing is to get across to those who can listen, that this is not always pie-in-the-sky. If people read what happens to a brave person like Kelly, they are better able to help themselves or someone they know. More people might get caught up in this than we like to think possible. Together we can do something about that. I tried to ensure that I was not playing into the charade, overly affecting what Kelly was thinking or fantasising, or with what others were actually doing. While some scenes have been combined for brevity, nothing has been added for dramatic effect. I spent a fair few hours on this overall. Think how very many must get put in by those implementing such insidious control.

Please do not assume that, because you do not do the things outlined here,

or you have not come across them, absolutely no-one else does them

Return of a Heroine

'No no no, aunti' wrote Daisy one morning, after sending me emails that were just too mundane. Daisy was a young and normally sassy five-year old alter to Kelly who was an intelligent, sensitive, and much maligned mother. Kelly was being abused in a cult setting, and was being deliberately confused about it, the most likely contender being her current therapist Trixie. There had been three long appointments with her in a week, which I was told contained instructions for young Daisy, being the most likely option to manipulate fairly easily using bribes, threats and play.

There were implications that Trixie wanted Kelly to take an overdose, and Kelly felt she wanted to go ahead. This kind of thing was pretty much par for the course and erupted every so often, but this time was deeply concerning. Kelly and I had discussed 'the Book' and confirmed our deal, that if anything happened to her I would write it. Or she could stick around and write her own thoughts.

Daisy had emailed late on a weekend night about a vehicle sitting outside on their driveway - a usual sign of a cult night. The robot alter joked with me that it would be back after dark, and wrote in big capitals that I was a loser. I goaded him with questions, and to my satisfaction he confirmed many of my thoughts about Trixie, telling me things I had not known. I made a comment which was a little close to home, and robot vanished like a genie back in a bottle.

Nolly who acted as an interpretor/protector but was still angry with me, came through and asked what was happening. I explained about the robot. Before I could warn her that it looked like a cult night, she reacted with 'Oh, goodnite madame' and she too was gone. At this rate I needed to brush up on communication skills.

The cult event that weekend seemed less unpleasant than most, and could have been held in someone's house. It seemed likely that it involved further conditioning. Usually Daisy would be upset and bruised after getting taken from home by the cult, wanting me to tell her a nice story. I asked Daisy some questions, phrased so that others could see I was not taken in.

Daisy realised there was a problem and asked if we were still friends. I said nothing had changed: 'I think people are saying stuff, pretending things did or didn't happen, are real or not, truth or lies when they're not. This will make sense to somebody else. They don't want you to write to me. They are playing a bad game with you and Kelly.'

When Kelly surfaced saying there was an appointment soon with Trixie, I hoped Trixie would change her tactics and normalise some of what had been happening. The Kelly who emerged from the session certainly sounded as if something had been smoothed out. Bits of Kelly were missing, particularly her memory, but she was not so fraught. I often had cause to think how good some therapists would be, if only they worked in the interests of their clients, and not the ones who paid the piper.

Conspiracy City or Hicktown Highjinx?

There are no guarantees that I have correctly interpreted everything that was said or implied

I do not know how widespread any of this is

I believe this does not only happen in what I name Conspiracy City or plain ol' Hicktown

Hicktown is probably an unusual or extreme example, so let's use it on that basis

Cult activities or awareness did not apply to everyone working in the police, or at the hospital, or as a therapist

If it helps one adult or child, it will have been worth it from my point of view

I cannot answer for Kelly whether it has been worth it

It is unlikely to be happening to just one vulnerable woman, finding herself alone for part of the week

Why was the suicide rate for young women abnormally high?

What about the children who attend these so-called safe places for help?

Might it be:

From things I recalled from the early days of my contact with Kelly, she had made some kind of deal concerning her children:

She would allow certain cult-related events to impinge on her own life, though having done nothing to warrant it

In return for that, the cult were to leave her children alone

Kelly always put her children first, so it would be natural to her way of thinking, to sign something that should mean her children would lead cult-free lives.

Now there's the rub because:

If Kelly's partner and her current therapist were somehow colluding to maintain control of Kelly, and if Kelly felt beholden to Phil for monies spent on the family -

a) How would Kelly even see what was happening?

b) If she had a dim recollection of what she signed, she would feel reluctant to rock the boat over the cult involving her

c) Why was Phil almost living in the nest with Kelly's children, enabling the therapy, plus leaving Kelly alone at weekends?

d) It looked as though someone was welching on something concerning what Kelly thought she agreed to

e) Why would any individual or group lead Kelly, or anyone, to believe they should enter such a deal? Sadly I have come across similar contracts elsewhere on other aspects, and they have been hard to break too

f) How is the cult, or whoever it is, enforcing these deals? -

i) Is able to welch on them

ii) Is able to welch on whatever they want and whenever they want

iii) Yet individuals cannot welch on deals, however unfair, unreasonable or downright impossible

iv) And even when their contracts are not kept by the cult


I do not know if Phil was actively involved in the cult, or in anything subversive involving Trixie, or the therapy/conditioning meted out to Kelly, for a fee paid for by Phil.

And I did not yet know that Trixie and her form of therapy were as damaging as they seemed.

Fruitloop Therapy

Sock-knocking, Soul-shocking

Things were even worse. During a traumatic therapy session described by another alter, Kelly broke through her conditioning and challenged Trixie with 'What the hell is going on?' and stormed out. I knew she could. Trixie seemed flummoxed, saying 'Well someone came out'. The idea had been to trigger one of the alters in the system to show up, and go out to be hurt, as though pied-piperwise they might not return. Trixie probably thought it would be a doddle this time.

After explaining to me what she remembered, Kelly grew vague, wanting to hear Trixie's version to help make sense of things. She was unaware of a reprehensible form of therapy involving Daisy who had vanished, deeply shocked. Kelly too had been turned inside out, and had said so to Trixie, yet felt she needed further ministrations from her. See how it works - sure thing! I can personally recommend how to deal with these evil sockshockers and subversive fruitloopers.

Trixie and her croney phoneys went too far and grew too clever for their purposes. Using crude methods of control, they tried to amp things up into grander stuff, not thinking that some in the system might be developing awareness. The fruitloopers failed to spot it, and had not honed their skills.

While Kelly went unwittingly and unwillingly to abhorrent cult meetings where her body was abused and her mind shocked, it did not get deep into her soul. To allow people into her psyche by attending the 'therapy' sessions, was to risk compromising her very being. To me, a bad therapist is similar to a bad priest, and you would not want their ministrations either. Sadly, people like this can look quite wholesome and fool the very best. These people know no boundaries: It is how they operate. I believe in choices, and Kelly had an important one to make - as I knew she had before.

People who encounter bullying, a bad group experience, a con-man or cult involvement, child abuse or torment, domestic violence or a subversive therapist, often have similarities in how it affects them. It takes a long time to start getting back together, after realising its nature. The remedy sought needs to be beneficial, and never allowed to get worse than the original experience.

What happened to Kelly through her involvement with Trixie seemed specific to the prevailing cultic situation, and there were some other aspects, not all included here or known to me.

The general principles (for want of a better description) behind getting fruitlooped, are the same.

What Drives Cultic Behaviour?

Your guess will be as good as mine!

Others have written about different aspects of cult ritual abuse

There could be fringe benefits for some cult members, to the detriment of other members or other people

There could be people on the fringe of cult meetings, involved from time to time but not wholly in on it

There could be cult-connected individuals or activities serving some mutual purpose

Anything to do with cults of this nature will be heavily weighted in favour of the cult

Cults like the one outlined thrive on cruelty and confusion

There would be strong components of reward and punishment, threats and misinformation

The cults need to prevent people from realising the issues, or being able to leave

It takes a very great deal of time and organisation to enforce the status quo and membership that they require

Price of Getting Connected

Humans live in a paradoxical state, because most of us like to feel free to make choices. There are times when we need to belong in a family or group or neighbourhood. And times when we need to be alone or cut ourselves off from some aspect of others or their behaviour. Some things that we would dearly love to do, lie behind doors closed to us for some reason or none. How nice it would be if some fairy godmother or godfather came along to sort it out for us, for now and for ever. What might we agree to, if we were really desperate, on the streets, needing an operation, needing help for a loved one?

Remember Dr Faustus and the deal that he made to compromise his very soul

See the ads on TV for instant loans, instant solutions, instant gratification

The day of reckoning is deferred and ever deferrable, as you plead your need and go deeper down the ever-deepening hole

People allow connections to things or to people that they otherwise would not touch - let alone get connected with

It becomes an insidious path where boundaries blur and events merge

Needs must as the devil drives

And devil take the hindmost!

The word connected has different connotations for people. It is used here to convey similarities there seem to be in essence between Mafia hierarchies, and what I learned along the way of this type of cult, and about cults more generally. People have a right to believe in what they want, which is now backed by legislation. Some people who follow different lifestyles get angry when their families yank them away, and more harm can be done by this than by the chosen lifestyle. We need to keep balance and perspective.

Legislation in the UK began to cater for something termed grievous or actual bodily harm to the mind, related originally to a case of stalking behaviour. It seems that this would be a step in the right direction regarding cult intrusions, or any other infringement of personal boundaries and basic humanitarian rights.

There were apparent similarities in what I heard of the cult around Kelly, and Mafia protection rackets that force people to pay in order to trade, live their lives, or live at all. Threats to close family go straight for the emotional jugular. Deals get made at different levels of the hierarchy, and different groups may co-exist to an extent.

People welching on deals or fighting over territory leads to mayhem. There are rules to watch out for, and actions are planned and controlled. People know the name of the game for levels of rank or nature of participation. There are some similarities with this particular Hicktown.

Somewhere along the line, the cult of these pages from our Conspiracy City, has evolved
(if that is an appropriate word)

Into a veritable Mafia
(used literally and metaphorically)

And it is apparently operating without rules
(whether or not it actually started out that way)

What does that make it?

Out of control

And ?

Needing to be recognised and dealt with


Worse even than the Mafia!


1. People belong to the cults often without knowing it at a conscious level, and without being able to do much about it

2. Society in general and academics in particular are led to disbelieve that it can or does go on

3. There must be a reason or a belief system behind putting people through the experiences

4. A reason or reasons for the denials and denigration of those who speak out; and reason/s why the denials have effect

No-one has to believe any of this. Not all of these things happen to people involved in ‘satanic’ or other cult ritual activity, and certainly not to many people in therapy. If some of the words, phrases or concepts, or sheer incredibility latch onto your curiosity or onto something meaningful, that is what this is meant for:

* To de-mystify the otherwise unbelievable

* To show these things can happen

* That they are basically an extension of other aspects of human behaviour, however inhuman, crass, ridiculous, stupid, unnecessary, it may all seem

* It could happen to people close to us

*If we don't listen, we won't hear

I don't think people higher up could stop the ride and get off either. Clearly strategic planning went on somewhere, not connected with the frenzy of cult meetings. And someone went round collecting people to attend, generally as it grew dark so time varied, ticking names off a list to ensure that those who defaulted got extra 'therapy', or they paid for their independence some other way.

Fiction? I wish. Probably so did they from both sides of the fence:

Those 'with rank' who were Somebodies, and those 'without rank' who were Nobodies

For certain reasons the so-called Nobodies were much in demand

Perhaps they were needed to facilitate demons or forces of some kind

So they could give information or instructions to the cult higher-ups

Or to give them a sense of power

Principles which can be used to control others can also be used to undo control

Is all of this simply part of human nature gone wild, or behaving like animal groups with some clearly dominant individuals, some striving to be dominant, some not strong enough, able or willing to change the status quo? Could this be what this cult ritual abuse thing was about, to ensure the survival in an advantaged (rather than disadvantaged) state, of some of the fittest or most devious, acting as a group or network over and above the rest?

Will humans always be like this in their workplaces, homes or communities, with supremacist words and behaviours thinly disguised by social veneer and compromise? Is it a covert system, taking the place of overt, warrior-like behaviours? Perhaps this is why we deny it to a large degree, both to ourselves and others, presuming that we know reality for what it is, in order to feel more comfortable.

We need to know more about abusive behaviours, and inequalities in areas that keep some people vulnerable. The most vulnerable tend to be further abused, put upon, ignored, or further confused. Kelly knew it was happening to others in her area, and some people who'd known her a long time were aware in some sense of her situation, and about some of the people involved.

It was a strange co-existence

Could any of us get entangled?

The reader must choose where to draw the boundary on anything

It is about choice and boundaries: Don't let other people erode them -

Or Con you into thinking they are different from what you feel is right

Reasons for this Scenario?

More Than Dreamt of...

'There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy'

At the risk of sounding like a cheap novel with witches on broomsticks or a Dennis Wheatley yarn, things got worse after Kelly stormed out of her therapist Trixie's office demanding to know what had happened. How much connection there was with the cult remained to be seen when things settled. What happened to Kelly through her involvement with this therapist seemed specific to the prevailing cultic situation, and there were other aspects, not all included or known to me.

The following day I checked regularly for emails, thinking Kelly would be in a bit of a state or worse. By evening there was nothing. Then samples of Kelly's narrative arrived, written by her that day and looking worth a read. She surprised me and surpassed everyone by rising above the situation and getting on. But she was not being very earthly over what happened, and crucial dynamics were tragically missing. She still hoped Trixie would let her have another appointment.

Next day the robot sent a raft of emails haha-ing that the coming night was one to watch out for and I would not be able to save Kelly. 'It's curtains for you then' I wrote heading my emails Eejit, for Idiot. That night while I was online, suddenly all hell let loose as Kelly was bombarded with loud music, noises outside, whistling and whatever. The general whatever continued till she fled to another room to hide. People cannot play blaring music in a residential street without drawing attention. It could be reaching her house via computer, or a little speaker that she didn't know about. The intention was to make her think she was crazy or actually to make her crazy. It could have been a trigger to make her think it was loud music.

If I was right, the situation had become more like gangstalking. There is also gaslighting which is inducing fear in people, which had always been a feature of Kelly's life. See 'Did You Call the Cops?' and Amping or Ramping Up. If you convince people that something bad will happen if they don't get out of the house, they get out of the house. Simples, as the Meercat says in the ad.

Next day I checked regularly for emails. Nothing. I went online in the evening as Kelly began to email. She asked if she should take pills to help her sleep as she had the night before. I suggested she keep them in case trouble started again. 'It is' she said wearily. 'Music, noises outside.' I had asked overnight if she could circumvent my questions by thinking who would go to such lengths and why. She evaded every attempt at some tiny inroad into working on something. She was in a bad state and I did not want to get spikey and intrusive.

'Make the music stop' she pleaded. I said that if I was there, I would try turning off the computer to see if it came from there, and go into the various rooms to track it down. 'Maybe I should have gone to the hospital today' Kelly wrote.

'Oh, people do awful things to you, and you go to the hospital!' I replied. 'I don't think so, do you?' causing a small spark to flare in her.

She wrote a jumbled sentence, and we drew to a close as she grew sleepy. Nolly the interpreter came through with 'Someone went to see Trixie today to collect their stuff but no-one remembers.' I had thought Kelly slept all day, as did she.

Kelly had been concerned about personal items left in Trixie's office. Things like this were not supposed to happen, i.e. Trixie harped on about phoney therapeutic boundaries, and then she broke the lot. I tried to find out what was left in her office and in what circumstances, but that was another embargo. Nolly was always evasive when I wrote about Trixie. Now when I wrote that Trixie had upset Daisy, Nolly, sleepy and confused with pills, was concerned: 'Yes, Daisy is hiding somewhere'.

I too was concerned for Daisy who was vulnerable and had been used. There was also no-one to front for Kelly when things got too much, or to alert me to a cult activity. Whether one believes in psychic attack or not, people were attacking her mentally, for what? Would you expect people outside your house harassing you two nights in a row, for having a spat with a therapist? I don't think so, do you?

Dissociated Complexes or Alter Personalities

There is a book on psychic self-defence by Dion Fortune which is a kind of classic, a bit outdated but most people with an interest in the paranormal or occult are aware of it.

From memory - I don't want to have to go through it - she mentions people's auras where pictures or forms are apparently visible to clairvoyant sight, showing things without working it all out the hard way. The crucial point is that when these forms split off from the main persona, they can take on independent life of their own. Worth looking into in relation to alters and DID?

I wondered if each clairvoyant saw the same things in the same way, if it was possible to miss something huge, or interpolate things. Psychics had homed in on me with their unwanted views about this or that in my life. This included some of Kelly's so-called 'protectors'. People can project things so strongly towards other people that it may actually affect them, becoming almost a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is worth bearing in mind, and resisting!

There is a suggestion among psychic researchers that certain types of people, and how they handle emotions, are more likely to have spooky things happen around them. I've known ordinary people who seem to get what they want by willing it really hard, and not giving a damn about consequences. It seems to have something to do with bottled up emotions or unacknowledged needs. Call it one's Shadow or dark-side, or whatever you want to.

Psychic Powers Not Worth the Candle

When cultic attempts to destroy Kelly failed and Marta realised I was involved, they tried to get at me too, but I was far away and not the least psychic. It backfired, apparently scaring their socks off. It seemed to work like an electrical circuit and following the line of least resistance - Believe it or not. What they did not know and I later recalled, was that I had been involved in something at a very old church on behalf of a relative, and not my usual haunt. It seemed to help. I was not a churchy person though came from a line of movers and shakers. Perhaps that was how I became involved over Kelly and this cult.

I never felt particularly celtic, whereas Marta created a phoney celtic persona for herself. I knew what worked for protection if I felt threatened, whether it's what the books or experts recommend or not. A chunk of wood, a pretty scarf, a leather bag, would do for me. Plus keeping my head down and staying out of it. And an uplifting picture on the computer screen of a flower, a scene, or a cute animation.

I've made little mention of Kelly's psychic sensitivity, but she seemed to have the goods. She was boasting about her powers again which some psychics will tell you is a stupid thing to do. Unfortunately I got the impression that this was what took Kelly into occult country in the first place. Now it, or someone involved, apparently would not let her go. People were indeed scared of Kelly, blaming her for not foreseeing things, and for ailments in their family. A weird email arriving alongside a host of the usual ones, caused me to recall something.

For some years I knew a psychic woman who got highly emotional, and appeared to have a psychic involvement in someone's car crash. She was no innocent regarding rituals. She laid it on thick to me how she did nothing, she just thought of the person, and cried and cried, and did this and this, and would I believe what just happened! It fell on deaf ears and we lost touch. Would this kind of thing happen with Kelly?

Kelly had recently done some things while in a quandary, and she too used the innocence defence. Her own writing may reveal more of her thinking on this field, what she called the Universe. In our early days when we talked of whether people might envy her the psychic gifts, she offered to pass them to me, saying 'I can give you them.' No, thank you.

It isn't worth the candle unless you're stuck with it. But wouldn't it be handy if ... ?

You're Scared of Me!

I could understand Kelly's desperation but parts of it wore thin. She would then say I was scared. I told her and Nolly 'I am not scared of you. But there are others in your system who are mixed up with some really bad people.' I never got a reply. After all this time I knew little of what constituted Kelly and her alters. Kelly often asked if one day we could meet up for coffee and a shopping trip. When all avenues in her own area closed in on themselves, she or Daisy would say they were coming to live in my basement. We don't have one and anyway.. Shopping trip maybe later, much later. I did know something of the people around Kelly, and one reason for my early involvement was Marta haranguing me about it. It was kind of personal, but not the reason why I continued.

Anything I said about myself was recycled by Kelly's system and fed back at intervals, including some red herrings. Now I put nothing into the melting pot. One alter persona recently asked my views on Kelly's children and I refused to get involved. Kelly did not know and I forgot, that our correspondence lapsed 2-3 years earlier when Kelly repeatedly pushed me to comment concerning her children, some of it legal issues. I imagined Marta concocting a plan to push me down a deep ethical and legal blackhole. There were too many questions about my life. 'Who wants to know, and why?' I began asking, receiving a phoney explanation like people give when hypnotised to do something daft.

People can have mixed recollections or even fabricate a whole scenario. We cannot always know, and cannot judge, whether all the suffering is caused from outside, or from within, or half-and-half. We fabricate or confabulate when we don't recall something, the subject is hazy, or it does not connect with things we're certain of. People use it to explain/ explain away, all memories that people like Kelly have, implying that it never happened to this person, therefore nothing like it has ever happened to anyone. That sure is not logical, and could lead us all into a tangled web. Sounds like a confab to me Tommy!

The Web

Kelly wrote a paragraph for her part of 'the Book' reflecting that she was once more ensnared by others in a gigantic web. She asked if she would survive if that web were suddenly removed. I too wondered as I put in chunks of time hoping something would gel, with a feeling of before it's too late. Kelly would start with ordinary aspects of her life, unearthing questions of increasing severity. She then threw in something of epic scale, begging me to sort it right now along with everything else. How had any of it got this way? Was she serious about extricating herself? Could she effectively do anything? If she managed in the shortterm, how would things be 2 years on? I do not like to write these things.

I noticed with Daisy that she contacted me after a cult night, spinning out emails over several hours with 'Can you help me just dis one day?' It is natural for people in trouble to seem attention-seeking, but there comes a point where one wonders if something is an elaborate set-up:

Let's not waste time looking at anything useful for our life; No let's go waste someone else's

More information on this appears in the Addendum

Could all of this be an elaborate set-up to ensnare folks like me? But for what? To knock us down again perhaps, as happened to therapists trying to sort out the miasma. If you make people look egg-on-face-wise because they believe something, and then you claim they were naive or deluded (even evil, as I heard one expert strangely say), what might be happening behind the scenes which no-one will believe? It's called deniability, a term used by real live spooks. Ay, there's the rub.

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;

Therapy for the Children

The effect of all this on Kelly's growing children bothered me, and how many nights she was getting taken by the cult. There are 7 nights in a week, and things were happening disproportionately to my awareness, and perhaps always had done though not to my awareness.

Kelly asked a friend if she would allow her child to see Trixie for therapy. I queried whether Kelly had plans to send her own children for therapy, and she asked 'No, why would I?' - Well perhaps because Kelly often asked me to comment on her children's mental welfare. She should know I would not stick a diagnostic label on anyone. That is the game that gets people into a therapy mess, especially when linked to a cult-spun web.

Perhaps also because Phil, the close friend who paid for Kelly's therapy, had an intriguing though unendearing habit, of befriending lone parents and paying for them plus their children to have therapy. Now that's a really bad idea. Phil was away and, prior to this, appeared to be wining and dining elsewhere using Kelly's credit card. Another family perhaps? Another contrived affair? There were questions I'd have liked to ask of Phil. I'll probably never get the chance, and would not get straight answers. In the past someone, probably Marta, applied for credit cards in Kelly's name, and spent large sums that Kelly hadn't a cat-in-hell chance of paying. Then Kelly would get punished for having 'no monni' as Daisy had put it.

If Kelly took her children anywhere near Trixie, that would effectively eject me from the scene. I had told Kelly I would have to consider my position if she continued to see Trixie longterm. So much information and trauma zinging around can draggle one's thinking-cap, but I knew I could not be involved even on the sidelines, if this went forward for Kelly's children. I would find another way.

Kelly had been harassed beyond what most human beings can envisage, let alone handle. I had been online especially during night-time hours, over a whole week plus the previous fortnight. I learned that one of the reasons Kelly seemed able to cope was not just her own dissociative style, but actually the psychic attacks that she was subject to, the loud music and whatevers. It was like giving her ECT, electro-convulsive therapy: It made her forget. It made me recall hours spent in mental hospitals when we still had those, chatting to people who received ECT which is still given to people, and is yet another story for another day.

The cult must put the session down in their little black book as a brainwipe night, brainswiping, or giving some scramble. That has demystified that then. One day I will let you in on the descriptive phrase that I have put down for them in mine.

Reasons for This Scenario

Throughout 'the Book' I have described things as they occurred between Kelly and myself or as they occurred in my thoughts. The aim is to encapsulate it so that others may avoid a fate worse than death. There may be anomalies through how things unfolded over the years, and what was known at the time or general blips. They can be looked at in hindsight and a spirit of enquiry rather than criticism or denial. Some information linking aspects has been excluded, as have details on Kelly's family situation and of some perpetrators, for their privacy and for expedience.

Kelly had no recollection of the events around the therapy session when she realised something was wrong, stood up for herself on key issues, and walked out. She had gone back there and questioned some more. She followed up her concerns with Trixie by email and telephone. She went to collect her belongings, i.e. not intending to return after that. She was then subjected to something like gangstalking at her home. It is possible the cult gained direct access to her and conditioned her to forget. She was in no position to make a realistic decision about further cult-related therapy, or about any cult involvement. It is no wonder Kelly pleaded for help while being unable to take effective action herself.

Why do people in domestic violence situations not just get up and go? If you thought your children might get harmed if you stood up for yourself, what would you do? And if someone forced or deceived you into making a pact of some kind, with the devil or someone nasty, to keep your children safe, what could you do? You might tell someone like me, by which time there is so much confusion in people's minds that it gains no foothold. Things can change!

Why did I not just explain that particular week to Kelly? Good question. How would you handle such information from her point of view? There is an experiment where rats give up when they are presented with impossible circumstances: They stop trying to survive, they give up the ghost, and die.

This must be some psychological experiment in social control then?

Bad things can happen to people through no reason or fault of theirs or anyone else's. That is life. What I have never been able to grasp is why anyone could, or would, make things worse or more confusing for others, on a random basis and particularly a concerted one. There were no questions in my mind over whether they should or should not do it, and whether they should get away with it. None.

If people wish to take part in activities that horrify others, I probably wouldn't queue up to stop them. What I objected to was the lack of choice, and the fact that a so-called therapist with a so-called safe environment for traumatised and vulnerable people including children, lured them in to destroy them. That cannot be right.

Remember 'The Blue Lamp' and Dixon of Dock Green? That would be good for this particular Hicktown. What it needs is more lamplight!

This story is unfortunately not a fairy tale and not a fabrication. If people tell you that it does not happen, or it cannot happen, maybe they can explain to me how anyone can possibly know that, however learned they are.

If anyone wants me to retract it, why would you?

There will be detractors. But things can improve. The chances of cults and perpetrators continuing to get away with things because they can, or because no-one listens or believes, will be greatly reduced.

I tried to ensure that I was not playing into the charade, overly affecting what Kelly was thinking or fantasising, or with what others were actually doing. While some scenes have been combined for brevity, nothing has been added for dramatic effect.

Not all of the subjects mentioned happen to everyone with cult ritual abuse or mind-control experience. If something is relevant to you, I hope it helps you to read about it. It is not meant to upset you.

Please do not assume that, because you do not do the things outlined here, or you have not come across them, absolutely no-one else does them.

Could any of us get entangled?

The reader must choose where to draw the boundary on anything

It is about choice and boundaries: Don't let other people erode them -

Or Con you into thinking they are different from what you feel is right

The Publisher regrets that it is not possible to enter into correspondence on individual cases, or to comment further on the material appearing here. 

You may print a copy for yourself or for someone you know who may benefit. The material is Copyright.

Useful Links - Use Your Judgement

A book may include only a couple of paragraphs of relevance to you, but can be well worth it. A little moral support from one other person goes a long way to change the dynamics of an individual's life. Groups are strange creatures, and can be turned around for better rather than for worse. Perhaps it needs just one person to give moral support, for someone else to feel able to speak out or to stand for or against something.

If you know someone who is dissociative, or you think they could be a survivor of cult ritual abuse, follow your instincts and offer support where you can. Things are not always what they seem but they could be. You don't need to be an expert to make a difference, but you don't have to try. Don't put yourself at risk from over-involvement.

If you are not sure, or are concerned about your own situation, whether you are a survivor of abuse, of cult ritual abuse, or think you may be involved in what other people call a cult in a broad sense, give yourself time to work out what is important. Find out what you can. Get support if you can. One organisation or person may be able to help over one small aspect that makes a big difference, even if it is just by being there.

A search on Amazon or Google will help you to find what you are looking for. Also see Lucela's List for background reading, and the Links section. Use your judgement.

Fake, Flake or Deluded

Describing the dynamics of a veritable web of ritual abuse, plus a bad therapist or two, the Author gets some flak. Is she a fake or a flake, or plain delusional? If not much of those, what has Kelly gone through? How is it maintained?

It is worth mentioning these issues, even though people may call me a flake or I could be wrong on some of it. It makes a change from the 'fake' label that people in Kelly's life pinned on me no matter what. When people are in trouble and the chips are really down, they look for information or help. They need to work out what is good or expedient for them, and what is not.

I have no way of verifying much of what Kelly told me, but I heard enough to cause concern. It is easy for a folie-a-deux to form, however hard one tries to keep things straight. Kelly could just have been terribly confused, or perhaps that is how someone wanted things to be or to look. An alternative I seriously considered was that she was psychopathic, using every attention-seeking ploy in the book and plenty more. If I find out that I've been conned, you have my word that I will admit it.

If people do not realise there can be flakes and fakes out there, they come to trust and rely on those who are not up to the task, or who have a different agenda.

A Singular Mean-ing

'The Book' spread across these pages is a collage of bits and pieces that unfolded during Internet contact with Kelly, whom I met online for 7 years. I have no wish to keep on with the pithy words and phrases. I will see what else I can do, as she is continually told she cannot break with her therapy, which to my mind makes things worse, and the stricture is unethical. Deals were made with a previous therapist that Kelly would be left alone, both by her and by the local cult. Those did not work.

This is not a scenario where a suggestible woman goes for therapy and comes out believing she was ritually abused, when it may not be a 100 percent from reliable memory. Memories are unreliable in the best of circumstances. Attempts were made to make Kelly believe that a lot of cultic abuse had happened, then that nothing like it could have done, and now that nothing like it was happening to her still. I beg to differ. The explanations and denials whizzed round like a veritable whirligig, a device used as a military punishment. The offender was put in a cage which was spun rapidly, resulting in nausea and vomiting

Also see How Some of it is Achieved further down this page

Joining the Circus

Perhaps it was more like a Circus with vulnerable women made to perform to someone else's tune, though they got no money or benefits. Quite a tune was playing with a myriad hoops to jump, till one wonders that anyone could survive in body or spirit. So long as Kelly had links with other people, the perpetrators could not go ahead successfully with the elusive thing they desired and worked for. Some men in the area got what they desired and paid for. It seemed part and parcel of the same scenario or game-plan.

Hard to see it and explain it though. All I can add to the accounts and thoughts herein, is that it seemed to be an exercise in obliterating personality parts in a target population, and attempting to place others there instead. Sounds crazy or evil? I think the perpetrators are both, but what do you think?

We have collectively been led to believe that any idea of ritual abuse is hooey. Whilst some people go ahead with hooey activities nonetheless (not believing the official spiel - why would they?), people's souls are at risk, towns burn and people loot, prices rocket and banks occasionally crumble.

Apart from my concerns for Kelly and others like her, I have concerns that we have become too involved in thinking that pills or therapy or both, could or should be the answer to the human condition that has surely been around for as long as humans: How to get along with ourselves and each other, wondering if we really do have souls, and raising children.

I feel that this type of perpetrator believes that we do have souls. For some reason they want to prevent people connecting up with their own. An easy way to achieve this is to target children in their formative years. Kelly had a child with outstanding skills. Is that the real goal, with Kelly a means to an end in more ways than one? If they knew how her mind worked or what kept her from going under, could they bend her child to their ways faster and more effectively?

Is that what they hoped and worked for year-in and year-out? Otherwise it is hard to see why such effort was going into this one situation. Unless of course the perpetrators were being paid a lot, or threatened with a whirligig maybe. Who would believe it anyway?

Good plan. Just how Mean can you get?

Here's that Circus again folks, with its hoops and whips, its drama and tricks

To lure you in, get your children to believe in it, and run off to join the Circus

How Some of it is Achieved

There's a lot of talk about mind control and programming, gangstalking and gaslighting. For people whose lives are not affected, these are irrelevant or simply nasty ideas that can't be proven one way or another and they can try to avoid them. Often the issues get vehemently denied, as are the devastating experiences of those unfortunate enough to fall foul of them.

Let's not overload ourselves with words and concepts. Picture bad or unfortunate child-rearing where experiences are not ideal, parents have bad days or bad habits, or confusing or damaging messages they themselves received may get passed down. Picture B.F. Skinner who controlled the environment and behaviour of pigeons, and attempted to apply the principles to child-rearing and society in general. There are many ideas of Utopia, or achieving an ideal society, perhaps just ideal in the eyes of those who manage it. Picture George Orwell's Nineteen-Eighty-Four and Animal Farm.

You don't have to be a teacher or a psychologist to understand about encouraging children to do things, and soothing them when they are upset or hurt. You can teach children boundaries. You can show them how to fight, or to find other ways of handling things. Children are sometimes encouraged to play with sand or dolls or drawings, to express difficult experiences and emotions. Care needs to be taken not to infer too much, blaming the wrong people for things, or for something that may not even have happened.

Trixie the therapist played snatch games. A sequence of events leads a child or client to believe something is predictable or likely to follow, a switch gets pulled and the opposite happens. The toy or sweet that is promised time after time, now gets withheld or snatched away. At best you might call that unfortunate intermittent reinforcement. It is hard to straighten out, and is really is the sort of thing one expects a therapist to be straightening out.

Clients were led to believe they have no worth, no personal rights or expectations. A therapist, who is supposed to behave ethically and helpfully, undermines the very being of those most vulnerable and least able to resist. All of us have younger aspects or sides to ourselves, and things we recall that are upsetting. There are things that we wish could be better. We can pay too high a price in attempting to improve our lot, or the lives of our children.

I heard about the snatch games, and how no persona (whom Trixie did not want) could have a say. Having first claimed she did not know of or believe in dissociation, Trixie had said she would condition Daisy the 5-year old protective alter, out of existence. Now the only things happening were so-called play therapy with Daisy, a vast increase in hours and fees, more cult vulnerability and events, and trouble for Kelly if she did remember or resist. Trixie lined up stones, saying each one represented a bad part of Kelly's life. This caused Kelly to break out of the conditioning, saying 'How would you like it if those happened to you?' and becoming aware of a cult vehicle parked outside.

Trixie insisted that all of Kelly's problems arose through self-created anxiety. In an unprecedented move, Nolly the 'interpreter/protector' sent an email to Trixie after such a session, saying that Kelly had indeed had a lot of bad experiences, so how was the anxiety simply self-created. Kelly had also challenged Trixie over her comment that Kelly had returned to a 'bad habit' in wishing to understand a trigger.

I had been puzzled early on by Daisy and Kelly saying there were cult triggers in the therapy room. Trixie claimed they had to get used to them, as part of exposure therapy. Trixie's husband used to enter the therapy room with sweets for Daisy who was terrified, yelling that Trixie should not let him in or she would quit. The reply she received was 'It's my therapy room. I'll have in it who I want, any time I want.' (This is from the boundary-lady, remember?)

It seemed that Trixie would also say whatever she wanted.

Note: 'Quit' was a significant word that was sometimes used like a trigger

Kelly's previous therapist Marta used to phone her saying 'I quit', which was a cue for Kelly or Caitlin to race to her office in a blind panic of being abandoned

Sometimes it was more in the sense of 'You do this, or you're finished, dead'

Playground behaviour, though much much worse

Manipulation of attachment needs

Amping up the transference

Whatever they could use to abuse

Picture a therapist then, who raises hopes and expectations by promising a safe haven for children or adults to recuperate, learn and grow:

Instead of explaining and demonstrating appropriate boundaries and behaviour, she confuses them excessively

Instead of acting as a suitable mature role model, she dresses in provocative clothing, moving around to show her physical attributes, and continuing when asked to stop

And hypnotises them by flashing lots of sparkling jewellery, or with subtle words and phrases

Total overkill, sometimes exacerbated by tribal adornment
(look-alike pictures show no indication of Trixie being from the Reservations)

Did you ever hear anything like this?

Boundaries, what boundaries?

Safe Haven? You have to be kidding!

Who needs this stuff?


It is easy for people to con others in the therapy line, either directly or by convincing someone to pay for child therapy, or for Kelly's, whose childhood experiences were confusing in themselves. Kelly was told that all her problems could be 'cured' but would need longterm therapy with Trixie. No other avenue would do. In the past she had sought and benefited from other approaches.

And in recent discussions with Kelly she fully appreciated that, if you treat people decently they are a lot more likely to feel like people, and to behave like people. Kelly had lived in a deprived area, and she now wanted to write about the social dynamics of people in that situation, who were kept there by the system, advertently or inadvertently. Doesn't this sound like a grown woman, whose education and talents could be put to better use than a Stepford reality? Or being subjected to 3 hours of play therapy at quite so many dollars per hour?

Snippets from the early days indicated that Kelly or Caitlin the host-person, were involved in things with Marta and her cronies where they were regarded as more of an equal. When they refused to get involved in some of the group aims, troubles began as they became part of the under-class, that somehow kept others 'top of the heap'.

Kelly or Caitlin would never accuse anyone of things they could not prove, nor do things they did not believe were right. Perhaps herein lay a clue to what happened since, at such a price to all.

If you hear any of these words or phrases in a situation that you are uneasy about, they could be a natural occurrence, they could be meant kindly, they could be beneficial. Only you can decide whether they fall on the other side of the coin, for you.

Cult, Kin or Klan?

I collected snippets from Kelly, Daisy, and someone calling themselves Informant who gave useful insights. She said that Daisy played through the 3-hour therapy appointments while refusing to listen or to speak, calling Trixie dumb and only capable of psych 101. I was seeking an inroad into why 1+1/2 hours were paid for instead of the 3 designated hours. And Kelly was gone from home for far longer anyway. 'Do the math' I suggested to Informant, as I gingerly outlined other queries. For more on the development of Informant see the Addendum page.

Having gathered my thoughts, I gradually slipped questions into email exchanges with Kelly, but it was as though those sections were in invisible ink. However something was happening as we did our pre-therapy emails to try to normalise her, and she said she simply did not feel like going to the session.

Daisy emailed 3 hours later that Trixie had turned up at their house for a nice chat and she would help Daisy to write a book. Informant asked how Trixie could know Kelly and I were doing that, and I felt Daisy was questioned during sessions. It seemed people were now fighting through Daisy, a 5-year old alter who could sometimes be swayed, sometimes not, and was mostly a bit of both, basically wanting a momi.

Daisy and Informant had pressed me all day to guarantee never to go away, as Nolly had tried on me recently, but I dealt with other issues first. At the risk of alienating everyone, I now laid down some terms and said I would not budge, as they would get what they got. Informant insisted it was crucial for Daisy. I explained that cults use guarantees, as do bad therapists. And then they twist things.

Informant then asked if I thought there would be trouble over the weekend, and which night 'they' were likely to come. I asked about things she had told me, like there being no cult, no people knocking at the door leaving footprints, just the wind rattling round. I did not mention answers she had given to questions about the harassment, truck parked outside, things that made Kelly forget, which Informant only recently explained as Trixie wanting total control.

I asked Informant about a statement by Trixie that, if there was still cult involvement, Kelly should say she wanted it stopped (which I felt would come at a price, an agreement). Informant replied there was no cult, and it was all down to Marta and her friends playing games. She did not answer my questions on it. I decided to think of that arena as klan rather than the main cult. I knew things about both types of activity there, and it was difficult to distinguish. Cult appearing in 'the Book' could mean both types. Klan means Marta and friends, or male paying clients who never gave Kelly any consideration, monetary or otherwise. A game for them, money for Marta, no fun for Kelly.

Informant asked why I treated everyone as an enemy. Let me think about that one! A better name for Informant could be something like Misinformant or Disinfectant: Part of the clean-up crew. Divide and conquer, miscontrue and generally mess with.

So when people talk of 'satanic' or cultic ritual abuse we need to be wary (and I felt quite weary), that the terms can cover a multitude of sins and sinners. Trying to lump them all together will get none of us anywhere in understanding these cults and klans.

For the second time around now, I had answered for myself some of what was going on in the name of therapy for Kelly. It was only when Kelly saw it for herself that things could shift properly. If attendance at the reinforcing therapy for the cult or klan lessened, the situation could ease, though perhaps something surges up within as the calendar turns, tides rise, and the piper plays his tune. Evil, like the heat-seeking missile it is, would track them down, using any situation or vulnerability, fighting through a young alter, a desperate need, a past trauma, or a bit of confusion within. Which of us does not have any one of those?

Get Good Help or None At All!

Just be warned, and -

If in doubt, don't get involved

Mind what you say on the Web

Links on Gangstalking, Gaslighting, Harassment, Stalking

Check out the following written from a psychoanalytical approach:
'On the Need for New Criteria of Diagnosis of Psychosis in the Light of Mind Invasive Technology' by Carole Smith www.btinternet.com/~psycho_social/Vol3/JPSS-CS2.html

'Hacking the Mind - Intrusive Brain Reading Surveillance Technology'


Kelly was also subjected to episodes of frequent phone hang-ups and silent calls, which generally predisposed her to feeling fearful, and were often a precursor to something else happening, a common factor in general harassment.

Web of Deception

‘Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practise to deceive'. We can weave a web of deceit around ourselves if we wish. But why do people weave it around others?

Principles which can be used to control others can also be used to undo control

We need to know more about abusive behaviours, and inequalities in areas that keep some people vulnerable. The most vulnerable tend to be further abused, put upon, ignored, or further confused. Kelly knew it was happening to others in her area, and some people who'd known her a long time were aware in some sense of her situation, and about some of the people involved. It was a strange co-existence - Could any of us get entangled?

Please do not assume that, because you do not do the things outlined here, or you have not come across them, absolutely no-one else does them.

Follow this link for Measures & Countermeasures page

Imagery, Support

Yarnlyte text version for mobile phones is at www.scriptore.org.uk

Pictures appear throughout this site which will mean different things to different people. We hope you will find some of them uplifting in times of trouble. A picture can speak a thousand words, and do so much more. If you think an image should not appear on this site, let us know via the Form - Contact Form/Comments.

You can search on Google for images, and eBay is another good source. There are inexpensive agate or jasper crosses, Celtic or Christian crosses, guardian angels, Orthodox crosses, icons of many different figures. We have put together a few images and prayers to help in times of need at Measures and Countermeasures. You can also find images or articles that suit you and your situation best.

People who are puzzled or desperate often search the Internet, burning the midnight oil until they find something that makes sense. We don't claim 'the Book' is the answer to people's problems, but it may help you gain confidence while you search. Look on it as a friend-in-court for when life goes crazy around you.

Information or Help

People need to use their personal circumstances and discretion, their beliefs or disinclinations. Waters have become so muddied that opinion settles one way or another, for or against this approach or that, leaving people with no personal options. We have to find some!

If Only

Many thoughts come to mind. Should I probably have done this, but definitely not that? Or do we judge ourselves by outcomes, as if the end justifies the means and it all turns out for the best? Should we look back with 'If only'?

Would I have got into this if I were not so curious, or if I knew how unreasonable Kelly could be about my commitment? Probably not. What kept me there was that Kelly and others like her had no chance of seeing or freeing themselves. That was because other people performed antics to prevent them doing so, worthy of the best or the worst circus. In this case it was 2 therapists. How could I not be involved? It was also because people who did believe were not believed themselves, and that others did not believe with a huge full-stop.

By a quirk of fate I was away a couple of days. Ironically Kelly now put together that she was involved with a twisting therapist Trixie, having already been through this with Marta, whom I'd crossed swords with in weird emails. Now Kelly said 'Either Trixie is playing a game with me, or you are. Like with Marta, it is her and not you. Marta is the main one, Trixie is the side-digger. You made me see that with the picture.' (I'd sent Kelly a picture of a group in another context, though could not see the connection.) She now realised the cult were active in her life again, where she'd made excuses for the bruises and pain, occasionally asking 'How long have I been getting hurt again?' or being scared of people at the door.

I had wondered if Kelly was playing out games with me through her past experiences, and her histrionic and dissociative make-up. But I had been involved overall for 9 years. I knew Trixie worked with Marta before where she had dealings with parts of Kelly's psyche, particularly Daisy the 5-year old protective alter (except when acting the opposite), and teenager Casey who was crucial. She is not mentioned much in 'the Book' as it would be too personal for parties involved.

Kelly was not the host-person, having come along when Caitlin could not cope, and they managed things together since university. Caitlin was gentle and sensitive and disappeared for long periods. Kelly used to be forthright but was now cowed. Other alters helped with chores and children. Seeing how I supported Kelly others wanted the same, which was too time-consuming as each wanted to get to know me and bickered over detail. I wondered whether some well-meaning supporters and therapists got tangled in an area where one is 'the expert' on a DID system. I trained in behavioural and psychodynamic work, and believe social conditions are often paramount in people's problems. Certainly looking at them can be useful.

Later I trained in hypnotherapy and met some of the best in the field, and others I would not wish on an enemy. Be careful who gets into your psyche, because your needs can become a road to hell, paved by other people's intentions. This applies to people you mix with in your personal or work environment. Just know where you are with yourself.

Whenever I tried to set a boundary with Kelly hoping that the one baseline could generalise, things went haywire. Boundaries are the antithesis of what some bad partners, cults, conmen or conwomen require, including bad therapists - in this case with cult allegiance. The sad thing was that they could have helped Kelly. Instead she was undermined, and many things she tried boomeranged back. The wonder was that Kelly had a flair for intervening in neighbourhood disputes and children's spats, knowing how far things should go and how to remedy them.

What clued me in with doubts about Trixie was her repeated reference to boundaries. How did Kelly know about Trixie's personal life, hopes and fears, yet any issues Kelly raised or wanted help with were out of bounds? Trixie said she would not reply to emails as it was a boundary. She did though when things got out of hand, which is natural. Her words were chosen to give one meaning if it became public, while Kelly picked up another. There were times when I said something in good faith, and Kelly reacted as if it were destructive.

I had to weigh up whether Kelly would want me to help others in her predicament, against further punishments getting meted out to her. In our early days of contact, it seemed life-and-death in her immediate future via threats, and surely no-one could survive this for another week, month, or year?

The idea was to make it impossible for victims to be separate from the cult. They were bonded as though some lien formed a one-way track to the cult. If Kelly got away it could mean punishment. This was part of the lien, the bondage, making it stick like glue. It could also be what kept people like Kelly alive and struggling as if having super-human qualities. Perhaps it was like everlasting life in a hell-on-earth. I believe it is important for people to realise things for themselves, not have them implanted via a different, even well-meaning agenda. It could be that the price was too high for Kelly. Why should someone else set the price for her?

I went online before and after Kelly's appointments with Trixie, realising that she went missing for a substantial period of time. The idea was to minimise her vulnerability. Although Kelly was sure she had quit therapy, she still attended appointments, being vague over going and most of what occurred. I began to stress that she should be aware for some of the time, or else it was inappropriate for Trixie to see her. Trixie was courting young Daisy as the easiest inroad. I did not know if the sweets given were drugged. Trixie called at the house after a missed appointment, and Daisy let her in. Kelly had an agreement that Trixie should not even drive by the house, because of how Marta had been.

When Kelly said Trixie phoned with another appointment, she did not mention the late night visit. I thought she knew of it at some level, and had left things to Daisy. I mentioned it to Kelly, provoking a reaction of horror. She said we had to sort it out now before my days away, as she would never go back there. I asked if she would want me to tell her of anything like this again, and she said yes.

I emailed Kelly a broad outline of some of the points, being careful over what I knew through our being online, or what I wondered or believed. Kelly's usual way of dealing with threatening events was to think of them as a dream, for a while anyway. How could she do that with my summary now in front of her?

I was wondering if Kelly had been to see Trixie again and was somehow complicit in something. She was reluctant to communicate and was sending me personal questions. I went online after being away and emailed that I was back, but there was nothing for a couple of hours. Thinking Kelly might have missed my message, I repeated that I was back. 'I am here' she replied. 'Waiting for you to answer my questions.' I did not know if she'd been there all that while. We were both tired and fixed for the following day rather than get out of kilter.

Boggle Up or Boggle Down

Boggle threshold: Term coined by parapsychologist Renée Haynes to indicate the level at which the mind 'boggles' or is thwarted by the degree of improbability of a phenomenon. It is similar to other measures of the strangeness level of a phenomenon expressed by others.

Improbability is in the eye of the beholder. I had thought around various issues, wondering where we might have gone wrong or could perhaps view things differently. This was a time I nearly blew things and was lucky not to get the chance. 'You're confusing me with all these questions' Kelly complained. But we established that Kelly was not always clingy towards me, and when she wanted assurances there could be other factors involved.

In the same breath as saying she would no longer see Trixie as a therapist, Kelly mentioned getting hurt again by the cult. She was adamant however that Trixie was nothing to do with the cult, even though equating her with Marta, who was. This became a 'new reality' for the time being, and it would not be good for me to press for things that I wondered or thought I knew more about.

Later Kelly emailed that I had not understood something correctly. Something had been simmering away unknown to me, and was crucial to why she would not see Trixie. This too was her reality, adding to her previous doubts over Trixie as a viable form of help for her. Kelly had been laying down challenges to Trixie which would keep Kelly on track better than anything I could say or do. I always thought she could do this but it was almost too late in coming.

It is important for people to have a sounding board for things that happen, or just their thoughts and fears. Although I did not know a lot of what happened to Kelly, she knew I was there even when we did not always agree. There were times when she appeared to have been drugged and had little recollection. Hypnosis was used to keep her confused and to play on things in her mind. During the case of a girl kept captive in someone's torture shed, she was heavily drugged to forget. Later her memories began to surface, in an environment where it was safe and conducive for her. She was able to work it out for herself at her own time and pace. No-one told her what had happened. No-one then knew, but things were subsequently confirmed.

We may wish we could speed up the process, or get it moving how we think is best, but that is not the way.

Game Ludicrass

The cult needed cult fodder, they wanted women, and they needed to have control over them. They could not allow anything to be realised, or get put together and acted on. Hence the manipulation of alter personalities and altered states of consciousness. They wanted people regarded as flaky or mentally ill, so that no-one would believe them. If psych methods did not work there was backup, like the memory-loss machine in the truck parked outside. This is what I term clean-up crew rather than cult-night roundings by Transport, though they could be the same. Laura, mentioned in Addendum told me of a sound-and-light machine affecting her consciousness, as others too have described.

There are more physical methods still, appearing just recently in CSI on mainstream television. Now we all know it's not just down to conspiracy nuts or double-dealers in Spooksville. I still could not understand why perpetrators used cumbersome psych methods like 3-hour therapy and fear induction, when something else would do the job just like that, to quote Tommy Cooper. Perhaps they had to pay for stuff, or they needed permission to use it, or had to report back on the efficacy for some situational or longitudinal study.

I think Kelly's problems arose because she wanted permanent guarantees and assurances. Marta and the cult offered those, while at other times making Kelly's life sheer hell. Maybe that's where the concept of 'satanism' comes in, with its high devil drama and apparent demons. Trixie's soft-soap approach to 'solving all problems' was what Kelly/Caitlin wanted to hear. It is difficult sometimes to sort out who has rights or who made a contract. Although I appreciated the role that Daisy and others played, I was not going down the road of putting their needs first. Someone else was twisting those. Getting bent out-of-shape is not descriptive enough. Maybe those 'with rank' got their ideas of dissociation from La Femme Nikita, and fancied factoring those 'without rank' into a tool incapable of knowing what they did to order. No-one could be held to blame, which is how things can often seem with DID.

I wondered if there was a kind of operational spreadsheet: This is an A4 so proceed accordingly, or it's C2 or XYZ. Anyone who has uploaded webpages to the wrong directory, or looked for something in the wrong file knows that things don't show up there. Kelly's psyche was like an experience or a mood being placed in one part or folder, unlikely to reach others unless there was some link, or meltdown.

For the perpetrators it must be the high drama, the fun of the game, thrill of the chase, the supremacy, or a need to keep experimenting in societal control on someone else's whim or instruction. They want to demonstrate something, while having us argue that things can't happen that way so they haven't, or they haven't happened that way so they can't, or something. Someone higher up the chain yanks their chains via threats and inducements, sticks and carrots, divide and conquer, hearts and minds, body and soul. Isn't that how it's done? We should all watch re-runs of The Professionals, then we'd know.

Fantasies and Fantasmagoria

Kelly and others like her can hardly be expected to see a lot of what goes on around them. If they do realise, they are labelled crazy and 'treated' accordingly, as in how they are regarded, or all sorts of theories get bandied about over them. Ian Hacking has written about people getting caught in a vector when expert views clash, which actually creates stresses. Worth a look. After all, we are labelling people here, and what can they do about it?

We have a tendency to alienate those who are weaker or different, as if something about them is threatening. Other people's theories, dreams and fantasmagoria get boring. I wanted to close on a positive note where Kelly made realisations about her therapist Trixie, who at best was inadequate, and at worst confusing to the point where it became evil, whether or not there was direct cult involvement.

Trixie kept calling Kelly mentally sick. Kelly or host Caitlin went to see her for help with a couple of fairly ordinary problems. Now Kelly was trying to break free from the therapy that allowed young alter Daisy to play for hours, while encouraging her desire for a momi. How sick can you be to do that to anyone? I encouraged the coping parts of Kelly as she struggled to come to terms with her life.

There did seem a convincing link between Trixie and the cult, when Kelly skipped appointments and punishment followed with a vehicle parked outside, people at the door, torn clothing, cuts and bruises, loud noises and ensuing shock, with Kelly having little recollection. Nowhere was this more evident than the night Kelly's emails jammed, possibly from just outside her home, and I sent scathing comments to whoever might be eavesdropping. Four hours later Kelly was at her computer shivering in just a shirt that was not hers. It was like any other rape or cult night only worse. I stayed online till 4am our time, and only managed to get her to grab a blanket.

Next day we met up as normal. 'It's good there are no emails from Trixie' wrote Kelly. 'Now I can get on with my writing. How is your day?' On she went about family things at the weekend, so on and so forth. A crazy way to cope? You be the judge. I have a family member who smiles brightly while coping with more things than most of us ever get to see, because she puts it away somewhere in her mind. We all do things differently.

Much later I was working online when I checked emails from Kelly. There was a mass of them from different alters with odd little rhymes about witches, drugs, trucks, Trixie and Marta, and insults to me which were now a feature. Fancy displays of alternating letters a and s formed pictures like a downward chain of chalices. Someone wrote in large letters 'Just let me go'. Meanwhile Kelly was saying she was fine but dizzy, and I should just go to bed.

Young Daisy was crying so much that she said Trixie was coming over to the house. I tried to warn Kelly but it was cloth-ears time. She was pleased that she had quit the therapy for 3 appointments, and to her knowledge there was no backlash. I had suggested earlier that she write a formal letter about ending the therapy but she found it too threatening. She was naturally feeling a loss at ending their arrangement.

Jingles and Jamborees

I was already aware of some of the other alters who were writing, but the jingles were gearing the system towards jamboree time. If Kelly could not stop someone opening the door to Trixie or Marta, and had only just stopped attending the therapy she had quit, now with apparently connected consequences, I did not see that we would be successful with this yet, unless things in her life changed significantly.

If the cult or whoever could not engage others within the DID system today, there was a big ol' system in place for playing catch-up tomorrow. Ain't life wonderful when there are such guarantees? We used to call it brute force and ignorance. Now we dress it up in psychodynamic or sociological terms. Let's hope they lead to greater understanding then.

Factor This

The main players were Caitlin the host, Kelly who was similar and virtually took over the reins, making some hard decisions.

There was Daisy the 5-year old who was around since Caitlin was small, and Casey a teenager, basically a younger Caitlin.

Nolly was an interpreter/protector who was quaint and formal, though now sometimes violently objecting to me.

A newer background info-person was Informant, who wanted to get pally and talk about Kelly behind her back, as had others.

Recent emails coming in from 'bad side' of the system showed things were not going smoothly there either.

There was an appointment with a psychiatrist who prescribed standard medication. Kelly had a fear of her which I partly sympathised with. I was away for another couple of days, but had not explained to Kelly as I would try to keep up. It was not enough, nothing ever would be, and Kelly kept asking if I was angry.

I received emails from both Nolly and Informant, and it was hard to tell which. One of them explained a puzzling point. Although Kelly did not wish to see Trixie, a message had gone to Trixie asking to speak to her. It seemed Caitlin made a brief return and fixed another appointment, then disappeared again. Trouble and beyond.

Informant seemed generally pleased at how things were going. 'Why can't she just pay you to do it, like you are already doing free?' someone wrote. Could this be what Kelly wanted but I would not do? Nolly said Caitlin would hopefully not get a chance to see Trixie. I asked if Nolly had changed her mind over the suitability of Caitlin making a return. No reply. I was getting curiouser though generally saying and asking less. Things went from Nolly/Informant saying things were not too bad, to a sudden alert 'Kelly is now going to the hospital'. I replied instantly 'Why, what happened?' No reply.

We now had several key factors: Kelly wanting more from me, Kelly stopping therapy with Trixie, Caitlin returning briefly and contacting Trixie, my asking Nolly about Caitlin returning, Informant asking why I could not sort Kelly out, alters who loved cult nights, but Kelly and Daisy getting severely abused at them.

Other factors generally were Kelly's natural vulnerability, her swings between believing she was not mentally sick, to thinking she must be so hospital was the fitting place. Marta had conditioned her that way, and might have sent a triggering message. Add Trixie and the apparently connected punishments for breaching therapy, and that made umpty more.

Plus Kelly had become aware of severe problems regarding therapist Trixie whom I mistrusted. Kelly was experiencing increased cultic abuse which she did not connect with Trixie. I did, though for the moment did not press it, knowing that Kelly had already seen glimpses.

A few too many factors for sorting out just like that? I should cocoa...

Tell Us Why!

So who is right? Me with a human rights approach that something ought to be done to prevent this type of carry-on, or those people who are human though not humane, with such control over others via nefarious methods, and failing that plain vicious bullying and rape. We should be able to do something about those, except that victims do not remember, or they are threatened with the worst things imaginable.

There is something wrong in all of this. Anyone can take my word for it or not. After all, it's a free country. . . This is my call to people involved in these practices to tell us honestly what is done and why, and what can be done about it. Many of us believe in some way that how we are in ourselves, before death or at the point of death, does have significance for us or those around us. And it is something that only we can sort out for ourselves.

We ordinary folks can work some things out and pass information around. It simply needs a framework not entrenched in lifestyle, belief or religion, or any psychological model. I cannot yet make it impossible for the Hicktown crew to continue. I could easily make them findable. The principles are as easily spreadable as magic tricks. Cults are well known for their lying and subterfuge, misdirection and even hi-tech illusions.

Val Valentino (born June 14, 1956) is an American illusionist, and actor, who gained fame by starring in four magic specials exposing magic secrets on the Fox network, using the stage name the Masked Magician. For a span of two years (circa 1997-1998), Valentino performed, unbilled and disguised, as the "Masked Magician" on Fox network television specials called Breaking the Magician's Code: Magic's Biggest Secrets Finally Revealed which exposed long-guarded trade secrets. The Masked Magician was also shown in the UK on the ITV network during the late 1990s and is still occasionally repeated on ITV4. Valentino signed to do the program, promising that he would only reveal the secrets behind old illusions.

However, when the programs aired, many newer illusions were also revealed. This sparked controversy, as many magicians feared that their illusions were now worthless. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Val_Valentino (Note: You can see some of these tricks on YouTube)

Send for Bodie and Doyle

What is the best way to pre-empt these pre-empters? It is time to get real, get our heads out from the sand, and stop alienating people with different experiences or the people who support them, whether they get all of it right, or they just got awful misled. 'They' think that we won't agree enough even to listen or to look, and in that way they hope to pre-empt our realisation of the reality.

Rather like what was done with Kelly and others, who could not be expected to see, although deep down they knew. Some who caught a glimmer found it all too hard, adding to the high suicide statistics of young women in crazy Hicktown. If these things were happening to someone you know, what would your reaction be? Would you be in with a chance of stepping in, so that they can step out? Just like that, Tommy Cooper-style.

Principles which can be used to control others can also be used to undo control

Could any of us get entangled?

The reader must choose where to draw the boundary on anything

It is about choice and boundaries: Don't let other people erode them -

Or Con you into thinking they are different from what you feel is right

Thank you for reading

'All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing'
Edmund Burke

Measures and Countermeasures

 Follow this link for Measures & Countermeasures page

You can search on Google for images, and eBay is another good source. There are inexpensive agate or jasper crosses, Celtic or Christian crosses, guardian angels, Orthodox crosses, icons of many different figures. We have put together a few images and prayers to help in times of need at Measures and Countermeasures. You can also find images or articles that suit you and your situation best.

Useful Links - Use Your Judgement

A book may include only a couple of paragraphs of relevance to you, but can be well worth it. A little moral support from one other person goes a long way to change the dynamics of an individual's life. Groups are strange creatures, and can be turned around for better rather than for worse. Perhaps it needs just one person to give moral support, for someone else to feel able to speak out or to stand for or against something.

If you know someone who is dissociative, or you think they could be a survivor of cult ritual abuse, follow your instincts and offer support where you can. Things are not always what they seem but they could be. You don't need to be an expert to make a difference, but you don't have to try. Don't put yourself at risk from over-involvement.

If you are not sure, or are concerned about your own situation, whether you are a survivor of abuse, of cult ritual abuse, or think you may be involved in what other people call a cult in a broad sense, give yourself time to work out what is important. Find out what you can. Get support if you can. One organisation or person may be able to help over one small aspect that makes a big difference, even if it is just by being there.

A search on Amazon or Google will help you to find what you are looking for. Also see Lucela's List for background reading, and the Links section.