How true or false are our ordinary memories, let alone when we have an emotional investment around something, or in someone? When we say we make our memories as we go along, that doesn't mean we're always lying - to ourselves or others! We're just constantly trying to make sense of what we see and feel, like a moving jigsaw.
There are experts on both sides of the fence as to whether memories get repressed and resurface years later, and whether hypnosis or guided imagery are helpful or lead to misunderstanding. That can get into a constant debate on whether someone really experienced something, or other factors come into play.
What easily happens from there, is people of one persuasion say certain things happened to lots of people. Or that they happened to no-one. Why the polarisation?
With situations broadly like Kelly's, there does seem to be ongoing abuse and deliberate confusion. We don't say everything she believed had happened or was currently happening, was exactly as we've interpreted.
But, if you will suspend judgement for a while, can you not see something strange and 'unnecessary' was happening in her life to hurt and confuse her?
(a) That would mean considerable scene-setting, and for what?
(b) If this happens to one person, able to express some of it, do you not think it strange if the whole scenario was solely 'for her benefit'?
(c) She was not benefiting;
(d) Can we allow her the benefit of the doubt that something bizarre was happening that was not entirely of her making?
(e) If we suspect she is just crazy, is there not some doubt that someone went to great lengths to make her that way? To what end?
Readers in the UK are now well aware of allegations surrounding Jimmy Savile and others, and that a number of people must have covered up the situation, either by making Survivors think they'd get nowhere if they spoke up, or that bad things would happen to them or their families.
So things can happen that we used to be oblivious of, or that wouldn't have been believed if someone suggested them.
Can we now move on and stop with the polarising and polemics? Wonderful.
Strange how so often we seem to think that one size or approach could
possibly fit all people or all situations - or even get close to them.
If you wish to disregard anything here or elsewhere relating to ritual
abuse, at least wonder what happened to Kelly 'in the name of therapy'.
That deteriorated further but is not included in the Yarn, written to
outline some things that can go wrong. If you are in a situation of
concern, don't think it must mean something's wrong with You!
Scroll down on the right for other Blogs and some sources of Help. Not
surprisingly, some of the organisations offering support to Survivors
are quite busy so it can be hard to find someone understanding with
sufficient time. Find out what you can for yourself, do what you can.
Things will not always be like this.
Readers can browse Lucela's List and Links sections here, or read a myriad excellent books on how memories are thought to work, or not, and how other Writers have put together some possible explanations.